It Changed My Life!.....Seriously.....

Dear Anonymous Blog Writer Who I Follow & Read,

I am so glad you decided to go to a Blogging Conference.
Really....I am!
I hope you had a blast.
And I already know that you did!

Because, between me and you, THAT is the point of attending a Blogging Conference.
Spending all that money to spend a long weekend away from home with other Bloggers is just an excuse for having a party.
The only people who actually make money from Blogging Conferences are the people who are in the business of setting up and running conferences.

I know, I know.....you will defend your choice to go by saying that it's "important" for your Blog.....
That you are learning so much from your fellow Bloggers......
That you are "connecting" with corporations......
That you are getting "your brand" out there for all to see.....
That you are treating your blog as a "business".....

But let's get real here.
Unless your blog really is a "business"......meaning you make enough income off of it to support yourself.
Unless you really learn something that will benefit me as your reader?
You are going on vacation.

I really don't care that much about your conference experience.
I don't want to hear how you agonized over every article of clothing you brought to find the perfect ensemble so you could go whore yourself for swag or get stinking drunk with your bloggy friends at the after party in the hotel suite.

I don't want to hear about the ridiculous spread of food and the ice carvings.
I don't want to hear about the corporate booths full of mousepads, t-shirts, samples of products, hats, etc. etc. etc. and how much flirting, smiling, cleavage, fake enthusiasm & interest, etc. you had to show those corporate stooges in order to haul a suitcase home bulging with freebies that just add to the materialistic waste stream we are already drowning in in this country.

Losing your dignity over a sample free roll of Charmin is NOT empowering to women.

Constant Tweets for 3 days and multiple posts about how FABULOUS it is to be there and LOOK AT ME! in Yet another Photograph with these other tipsy, smiling Bloggers just makes me want to hurl and block you into eternity.

So next time........and I DO KNOW there will be a next time because you are an attention junkie.......go spend your money(as long as you aren't in debt and you don't pay for the trip with credit)and have a great time!
When you get home, write ONE POST complete with links, photographs and your profound words about how this 3 Days have "changed my life".
One Post.
So that if I don't give a rat's ass about Blogging Parties I can easily scroll past it and we can get on with our online relationship.

Sincerely,

Your Reader(for now)


Sluggy