Today has been 30 years in the making.
Today is Hub's and my 30th Wedding Anniversary!
Here's a photo I snapped of us this past weekend......
Ok, maybe this isn't us but it IS how our kids "see" us and it's the card I am giving Hubs tonight. lol
Use to be that seeing your 30th Anniversary....(30 years with the SAME person)was not so much a milestone.
Use to be that being together 30 years wasn't very special in the world.
Ok, maybe it was special in that if you LIVED to be that old and that both of you lived to be that old, THAT was what made it special.
Not the part about being married for 30 years.
But in this modern world, 30 Years is "like forever!" if you are to believe what people say about it.
One person?.....for 30 years!!?!?
How old fashioned.
How not modern society.
This disconnect between me and society was brought clearly into focus for me about 10 years ago when Hubs told me about some younger women at his office that he overheard chatting.
One of these women was planning her wedding and she was in her mid 20's.
She and her office pals were looking through wedding magazines and the bride-to-be was pointing out what gown and accessories she had chosen for her nuptials. After some oohing and aahing by the chums, the BTB then pointed out a second gown and proclaimed, "And this is the gown I am going to wear when I get married the next time!"
And she was dead serious about that.
She's not even married yet and she's planning on getting married to someone else at some point down the road!
Like, it's a given.....a fact of life......just normal that you'll get married early and often.
This is just another example of what our society has come to.
We are a disposable bunch. Not only do we throw out all sorts of items(both non-disposable ones and disposables ones long before their time is over) but we marry on whims and we shed our partners like snakes shed skins. (Not talking here about marriages that break up due to legitimate reasons like dysfunction of one of the partners).
We aren't encouraged anymore to work through our difficulties as a married couple.
When things get uncomfortable in any way and married life isn't that rose garden you were sold by all those magazines, you get a free pass from society to just move on and try again.
It's normal and routine and when the BTB said that about her second marriage/wedding, not a single one of her gal pals laughed or took it as another other than deadpan serious.
It's sobering to think that 40% to as high as 50% of marriages end in divorce in this country.
And according to data if you married for the first time between the ages of 20 and 24 you are at the most risk of getting divorced, close to 40%. Those who married at 35 to 39 years of age only have about a 6% risk. Maybe this says a lot about how older people, who have experienced more of life, are wiser when it comes to taking the big steps.
And the statistics I saw on multiple marriages are not encouraging.......
The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%
So if you are considering tying that knot, take some advise from this old fool celebrating her 30th Anniversary today.....
* Don't go into any marriage without much forethought. Get some premarital counseling if you can, preferably WITH your intended spouse.
* Don't rush getting married. Take your time. You can't "know" someone from a few dates or within a few months. It can take YEARS for someone to totally reveal what is behind that dating facade they show.
* Marriage ISN'T just the Wedding Day. Though the excitement of that one day occupies all your thoughts, it's a miniscule part of your life. The actual marriage starts after the honeymoon. And in keeping with this thought, don't spend all your money on your wedding! You WILL be sorry if you do.
* TALK to your intended spouse BEFORE you get married about the "big issues" in life.
--Where/how to live, how close/distant you want to be concerning your families
--Whether you want children and when, how you want to raise said children(parenting styles/religion)
--MONEY(how to take care of it, how to spend it, what to save).
Yes your views on the big issues my change over the years but if you don't go into a marriage in the same ballpark on these, you face a long hard road and extra strife along the way.
So I'll be
With any luck Hubs and I will make it to 40!
Sluggy the old married fart