Tuesday, August 28, 2012

A Personal Milestone Sort of Day


Today has been 30 years in the making.
Today is Hub's and my 30th Wedding Anniversary!

Here's a photo I snapped of us this past weekend......


Ok, maybe this isn't us but it IS how our kids "see" us and it's the card I am giving Hubs tonight. lol

30 Years.
Use to be that seeing your 30th Anniversary....(30 years with the SAME person)was not so much a milestone.
Use to be that being together 30 years wasn't very special in the world.
Ok, maybe it was special in that if you LIVED to be that old and that both of you lived to be that old, THAT was what made it special.
Not the part about being married for 30 years.

But in this modern world, 30 Years is "like forever!" if you are to believe what people say about it.
One person?.....for 30 years!!?!?
How old fashioned.
How boring.
How not modern society.

This disconnect between me and society was brought clearly into focus for me about 10 years ago when Hubs told me about some younger women at his office that he overheard chatting.
One of these women was planning her wedding and she was in her mid 20's.
She and her office pals were looking through wedding magazines and the bride-to-be was pointing out what gown and accessories she had chosen for her nuptials.  After some oohing and aahing  by the chums, the BTB then pointed out a second gown and proclaimed, "And this is the gown I am going to wear when I get married the next time!"
*face palm*

And she was dead serious about that.
She's not even married yet and she's planning on getting married to someone else at some point down the road!
Like, it's a given.....a fact of life......just normal that you'll get married early and often.

This is just another example of what our society has come to.
We are a disposable bunch.  Not only do we throw out all sorts of items(both non-disposable ones and disposables ones long before their time is over) but we marry on whims and we shed our partners like snakes shed skins.  (Not talking here about marriages that break up due to legitimate reasons like dysfunction of one of the partners).
We aren't encouraged anymore to work through our difficulties as a married couple.
When things get uncomfortable in any way and married life isn't that rose garden you were sold by all those magazines, you get a free pass from society to just move on and  try again.

It's normal and routine and when the BTB said that about her second marriage/wedding, not a single one of her gal pals laughed or took it as another other than deadpan serious.

It's sobering to think that 40% to as high as 50% of marriages end in divorce in this country.
And according to data if you married for the first time between the ages of 20 and 24 you are at the most risk of getting divorced, close to 40%.  Those who married at 35 to 39 years of age only have about a 6% risk.  Maybe this says a lot about how older people, who have experienced more of life, are wiser when it comes to taking the big steps.

And the statistics I saw on multiple marriages are not encouraging.......
The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%

So if you are considering tying that knot, take some advise from this old fool celebrating her 30th Anniversary today.....

* Don't go into any marriage without much forethought.  Get some premarital counseling if you can, preferably WITH your intended spouse.

*  Don't rush getting married.  Take your time.  You can't "know" someone from a few dates or within a few months.  It can take YEARS for someone to totally reveal what is behind that dating facade they show.

*  Marriage ISN'T just the Wedding Day.  Though the excitement of that one day occupies all your thoughts, it's a miniscule part of your life.  The actual marriage starts after the honeymoon.  And in keeping with this thought, don't spend all your money on your wedding!  You WILL be sorry if you do.

* TALK to your intended spouse BEFORE you get married about the "big issues" in life.
These include:
--Where/how to live, how close/distant you want to be concerning your families
--Whether you want children and when, how you want to raise said children(parenting styles/religion)
--MONEY(how to take care of it, how to spend it, what to save).

Yes your views on the big issues my change over the years but if you don't go into a marriage in the same ballpark on these, you face a long hard road and extra strife along the way.

So I'll be getting stinking drunk having one glass of wine tonight in celebration of making it to this 30th Year in my marriage despite family, kids, miscarriage, job changes, sickness, relocation and financial difficulties.



With any luck Hubs and I will make it to 40!

Sluggy the old married fart






17 comments:

  1. I unfortunately married a cop 1st time around and was committed to make it work, he wasn't. I don't wish divorce on my worst enemy. Got married again despite the dismal statistics - next month it will be 10 years now. I hope we make it to 30 too!!! Happy Anniversary Sluggy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds like your second one is going to stick....yay!
      Thanks Sheila.

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  2. How awesome! Congratulations!!! And many more happy years together. I believe in being old-fashioned but I think it's all about both sides working together. Some great advice here, thank you!! I hope we'll make it to 30 and more too :)

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    1. Thanks Lena....I hope you make it too!

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  3. Replies
    1. Thanks B-Kat. Now if we could just divorce ourselves from his family...lol

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  4. Congrats Sluggy! I tell my guy there is only one way out for him... reduced to ashes in a nicely decorated urn. I don't get the lack of respect so many men and women show towards each other. It's no wonder the divorce rate is so high. The truth is we're both just to tired to cause trouble....

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Alex.
      You're right...at our ages it's too much bother to change things.lol

      Delete
  5. Congrats on 30 years! Now was it all bliss?
    "dysfunction of one of the partners"-Den is my dysfunction!"

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Sonya Ann!
      You KNOW it was all rainbows, sunshine and lollipops.....and then the wine wore off. ;-)

      Poor Den...lolol

      Delete
  6. Congrats Sluggy, and to the Mr. Great post, and sadly 30 years today is 'like forever'.

    blessings,jill

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Jill!

      Some days 30 yrs. does feel like forever but then I have another glass of wine....lol

      Delete
  7. Congrats! I'm on 27 years now - by this time it just seems to get easier, LOL.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks One Family. I'm still waiting for the easier part.....I think that will come once all the kids are moved out!lol

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  8. Happy Anniversary, Mr. & Mrs. Sluggy!

    It DOES get easier when the kids all move out. LOL!

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