Sunday, June 23, 2024

2023-The Year of Trauma Causes Hair Loss

I went through three major traumatic events last year.  One began on Christmas Eve of 2022 when I nearly sliced my lower leg off.  At least, Sissie's husband, who tended to my wound until the paramedics took me to the hospital in an ambulance, told her later he thought for sure I would lose that leg.  He was a battlefield medic in Afghanistan so he would know a thing or two about wounds.


We got home and shortly thereafter I got sent to Wound Care.  Being power washed to remove dead skin was no picnic.  And then the people they had putting multi-layered bandaging on me didn't know how to do it, so after about 24 hours these bandages would come undone and fall off.  

Luckily eventually I had a great home health nurse and she DID know how to administer these multilayered wraps to help close up my wound.  All in all it was a sucky time in my life and with this wound I couldn't go anywhere or do anything without help.

Then as I got past this injury my son decided to become Mr. Hyde.  He married a deceitful woman and she insisted that he do her bidding, which included turning on his own parents. He became a totally different person, someone we don't know. He began to lie to us and it all culminated at Christmas when we made a torturous 3 day car trip to see him, his wife and our granddaughter.  We weren't allowed to touch her, hold her and when we took a photo, son's wife went ballistic!  They lied that nobody in the family(her family since that is the only one they spent time with)was allowed to touch/hold her.  They mentioned that they had gone to have photos taken with Santa earlier that day but we assumed one of her parents had held her for that.  And 2 days following our visit they were taking the baby on a plane to Florida because wife's brother(who is a music teacher)had the school marching band performing at some Bowl Game down there.  Who takes an infant on a germ filled plane in the Winter but doesn't let her own grandparents touch her?  Oh, and we were required to have certain vaccines before the wife would allow us to be in the same room with our granddaughter.

We brought gifts, including this cute baby romper I bought at the Tower of London......

See the Queen's corgis on it? lol  We got no thank you either in person or in a text/email/phone call from either of them.  Son dropped a generic gift card in a card and shoved it into Hubs hands.  Does this generation not have any manners.

We went to the meeting bearing gifts in an effort to reconcile but son's wife would have none of it!  She was hell bent on being vicious and mean toward us and withholding our granddaughter like a weapon.  Even my younger son saw and said that.  While older son just goes along with wife's agenda.  I was so disappointed.

So we finished that visit and 2 days later drove to VA to spend time with my brother and sister-in-law.  Sister-in-law was somehow still friends with my son and his wife on FB and started showing hundreds of photos the wife had posted there(after she had instructed us not to post any photos of the baby online).  Including a photo with Santa, where they had plopped that baby in a complete strangers lap(neither of them had held her!)!!  

When confronted with this they continued to lie to us and sister-in-law got unfriended on FB(like everybody else).  Hubs blew up at son and I told him he was no longer my son.  He had destroyed any relationship we had with his deceits and lies and I just couldn't take anymore of his backstabbing.  He has caused me undue stress, anxiety and emotional disturbance that whole year.  I feel part of it's his wife making him lie to us to cover up her deceits but who knows for sure.  At any rate, I no longer wished to be part his life, even if that meant never seeing my granddaughter again.  I wasn't going to make him chose between his wife(who has made it very clear she hates us)and his parents, who loved, sacrificed and did a lot for him.  So basically I gave him the gift of peace by no longer being interested in being in his life.  That meant I'll never get to see my granddaughter but I will make that sacrifice it it brings him peace in his marriage to that witch.

Then my daughter, who we dragged our lives down here for, because she begged us to be near her, started acting strangely and distant.  Over that first year down here, she had slowly been withdrawing from us.  But I think older son had told her lies about our visit to PA and she refused to talk to us and get our version of what happened, so I confronted her about her behavior and other things I don't want to mention here and she basically blew us off.  She refuses to have anything to do with us now.  I gathered a box of her things from childhood(like I did for the other two kids)and went to her house around noon on a Sunday recently to give it to her.  Even with ringing the doorbell, knocking loudly numerous times on the door and her big dog barking her head off, daughter refused to answer the door.  And I know they were home as both cars were in the driveway.
I had typed up a note, just in case, so I taped it to her door, and left the box on the front porch.

So that has been a large emotional and anxiety ridden part of last year.  We sent baby gifts(some where never acknowledged)and we brought more things to PA for the granddaughter and her parents refused to acknowledge them.

Then I had to run a medical gauntlet here of incompetent health care, an orthopedic surgeon who led me on and lied to me about doing my knee replacement(he kept offering me steroid shots in the knee, knowing full well, that would put me off for 3 more months).  So I hobbled around until I found the orthopedist in Ohio would did an excellent job on my TKR.

When I returned, after recovering from a PCP/Pediatrician assigned to me who abandoned me via some unknown to me person over the phone at that facility(and yes I reported her to the health system's CEO and the LA Board of Medical Examiners), I found a new PCP and a physical therapy place to help me recover the use of my knee.

While at that PT one day, I happened to look into the mirror while doing some exercise.  They had a mirror covering one whole wall of that place. I was able to see that I had bald places on the back of my head where hair should be!  WTF?!?!

This was taken in January when my hair was still colored.  I had long hair before this.


My forehead today..........


It's not as bad as it use to be but still.  I use to be able to part my hair, now I had short nubs of hair in the front I can't part.

My hair was so shockingly bad that I had to wear chemo patient type headwraps when we went to PA at Christmas.....


I can't believe that my husband never mentioned to me that I had numerous bald spots on the back of my head that whole time!  I guess men  don't notice stuff like that, huh?  I went all around the British Isles on a cruise ship in that semi-bald state and now I feel a fool.

Now with the prospect of that Focused Ultrasound procedure ahead the part most women dread, having to shave your head for it, is not a big deal with me.  I am halfway to bald now so why should I care?!

Via Good Buddy Anne I found wig manufacturer and since then I don't go out in public without a wig on.......



2023 was the Year From Hell for me, between medical issues and 2 ungrateful children who stabbed us in the back. Both of which caused me major anxiety and depression and caused me to lose my hair and question my sanity.

Sluggy





27 comments:

  1. I am so sorry this happened to you. Lori R

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  2. What a sad story. My hair would fall out, too. Actually, it did, the year my Grandmother died. I didn’t know i had a spot the size of a grapefruit? (ish) in the back until i went to get my hair cut. My husband didn’t notice, either. I saw a dermatologist who gave me needle stabs of something to stimulate the hair follicles. It’s still a form of alopecia but it grows back. Yours will, too, i’m pretty certain. (I lost more the next year when my Grandfather passed away. He was a bit of a tyrant so i had a hard time believing my body would react that way. Bodies are wondrous and weird!) As for your son and daughter….find something that gives you joy and concentrate on that. When they’re ready, they’ll look for you.

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  3. That is all a nightmare! I did not realize or maybe did not remember that your leg was in danger. That woman will go to HELL, same place me ex will go. I understand not seeing or knowing grandchildren. You know what I mean. I am glad your health issues and care are going better. Shave your head for procedure? I didn't realize that. There are wigs. Tip: coloring hair colors scalp so you cannot see the baldness so much. No, mine is not bald, just thinning when Vit D was so low. Hair is getting thicker.

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  4. I am so sorry that this happened. Stress does awful things to the body.

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  5. I am so sorry that your 2 children are so awful to you. It’s time to move where you and hubs want and youngest can come visit.

    Melissa

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  6. I'm familiar with family issues. Long story short, my brother let his wife call the shots for many years and our Mother doesn't know her grandchildren or great grandson. Now the wife is gone but it's too late as Mom has dementia. So I know that is a lot to go through and I really do feel for you. I hope this next year is a better year for you.

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  7. I am so sorry..."life's a piece of shit"...
    Hope writing it out helped, and I hope that 2024 will be a better year. Sending hugs.

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  8. I totally understand, I see my grand babies about once a year, and I don’t see them very long, because daughter and son in law are similar to your situation . I do write a check to continue to see the grandchildren. I have lost an ungodly amount of hair bc of stress from daughter and jealous son in law,
    her middle brother ( the bipolar, sometimes violent, autistic one) and because of my job stress. Now I do have two really reasonable, decent sons, who are kind, and hard working. Four kids, two kind, two who are extremely difficult. It is not always parenting skills because these kids are all very close in age and raised in same environment.
    Cindy in the South

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  9. I am truly sorry for all the misery you were put through. Healing thoughts and wishes are being sent your way.
    SuzInWA

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  10. What a year! I'm so sorry. I find family drama absolutely exhausting, so I hate that situation the most for you. Family issues are so personal and vary drastically from one family to another, but it would be my hope that I could be in "contact" my granddaughter -- even if I had to do so with the expectation that I wouldn't ever hear back from her or her family. I think I might accept it as a challenge to find things I could simply mail to her. Maybe even unsigned? I know/they know/everyone knows, but nobody says? Is that extremely silly? Probably, but I'm a kid person. I hope things improve vastly as 2024 progresses.

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    1. Hard to be in contact with granddaughter because she isn't even 1 yr. yet. Maybe when she is older? Anything I sent will be trashed and any money I send son and wife will spent on themselves I figure.
      My mom was very involved with my kids until she passed in 2000. She was my grandma role model and it's killing me I can't even know/see my grandchild because all I ever wanted was to be a grandma. I use to joke that I only had kids so I got to be a grandma lol. I had to cut all contact with son off as it was too painful and now he can have a peaceful life(well, as peaceful as his wife let's him)not having to chose between his parents and his wife and her parents. His wife changed from someone who pretended to like us into a horrible human as soon as he put my grandmother's engagement ring on her finger and it just got worse as time went on.

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  11. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. Trolls and nasty people will not be tolerated on my blog.

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  12. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. Trolls and nasty people will not be tolerated on my blog.

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  13. been there done that...covid caused my bald spots, better now but not the same. Kids wise the eldest (late husband's daughter I raised when her mom didn't want anything to do with her for 2 yrs) has blocked entire family , including her sister on mother's side and her own kids,since we won't put up with middle of the night drunk phone calls AND reported her to her doctor as she's on medication and not supposed to be drinking.
    Had another lie on her daughter to us, when it came out the daughter blamed us. Since it's Hubby's daughter, he dealt with it, funny I raised her for 2 yrs while Hubby left the state for a job (that I didn't want him to take) and her own mother would not have anything to do with her, still doesn't. I had issues with one of mine, told them they were playing games and calling it healthy boundray. Closed mom and dad bank, attitude changed after her boyfriend got ahold of us and took some of the blame himself due to his ex... then had his ex tell him he didn't need to know her boyfriend's name because he didn't live with her(Which is part of what went on between us and Daughter.) Names were given and they got their head out of their butts. They want to blame boomers.. maybe it's our fault for wanting them to have a better life then what they did.

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    1. My daughter is a functional alcoholic. Has a bad back and says she doesn't want to carry a baby due to that but she really doesn't want to have to give up her weekend binge drinking for 9 months in order to have a healthy child. She insisted we move down here to help with this supposed baby she was going to have and to watch out for us as we got older. We gave them tens of thousands of $$ for a house down payment but had a verbal agreement that they'd pay us back as they could. Then she said they couldn't spare any $ to pay us so I said they could watch our 2 small dogs when we traveled. That lasted 2 trips and then she blew us off. We are out a lot of cash now and retired. She sure screwed our pooch.
      I am finding that a lot of people our age are being gaslighted by their children. My sister in-law hasn't heard/seen her son or his son in 8 years because he listened to his sister , who is mentally ill, and believed the stories she told about their mother(who is the kindness person I know).
      My oldest friend in this world, doesn't have any contact with her younger son because his new wife won't let him. Hubs oldest brother's wife told him once they married he wasn't allowed to have anything to do with his parents because they were not practicing the same religion as fiancé. Her mother got wind of that and gave her daughter a piece of her mind so that didn't happen. lol
      It's a messed up world and some messed up people out there.

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  14. Sounds like you deserve a pool after a year like that. It would be nice during power outages and a cement pond might help when you sell the place.

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    1. An in ground pool here would be difficult because of the high water table and it would be like swimming in hot bath water in the Summer here but thanks for the suggestion. Also my realtor sister in-law says selling a house with a pool makes it a harder sell(narrows down the potential buyer 'pool' as it were).

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  15. I'm sincerely sorry that 2023 was such a shitty year in so many ways. Physical traumas, grief, depression, anger, anxiety--in succession and for so long--all take a tremendous toll on the mind and body. Even your weight loss, so good for your health, probably played a part in your hair loss.

    All I can say is I travelled my own parallel journey with you in 2023. I honestly felt at times that last year was trying to kill me, with just one body or mind trauma after another. The depression was full-throttle, and my body just crumbled under the strain. I was so proud of my physical strength, and now I have lost almost all. Zero energy. Brain fog like a London pea souper. My mind feels like it's gone permanently numb. And the hair loss has been horrific

    But 2024 has proven less lethal, and I am making (very) slow steps toward recovery. It's a struggle, but I plod on.

    You seem to be a vital and strong woman. Keep moving ahead, step by step. I wish you only the best.

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  16. I wrote an epistle and apparently managed to delete it but I have hair loss also from stress of dealing with some of my four kids and also my job. I understand. Virtual hugs. Cindy in the South

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    1. Maybe retiring, once you can, will help with some of the stress. Won't help with the kid issues unfortunately. Bald women on the world unite!! lol

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  17. I'm sorry your kids are being shitty to you and your husband. From the random comments you have made about your children and grandchild, I knew there was some level of estrangement going on. At the same time, I have wondered how former college boy is doing. Since your move he is rarely mentioned.

    As for the hair loss, no way around how difficult that is to bear. However, I must say you are looking terrific in your photos. Congrats on the weigh loss and may your return to improving your overall health continue.

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    1. The estrangement is total with 2 of them. Thankfully I still have a relationship with with youngest. He is doing well, in a job he sort of likes and in a committed relationship with a wonderful man. His partner's parents are also wonderful folks, we spent last Christmas with them. They are totally different from oldest wife's parents-total phonies.

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    1. Again, comments with nasty insults from trolls who don't identify themselves with not be published. Go find someone else who cares what you think.

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  19. So sorry to hear about your ungrateful offspring. I'm sure if you let them know you are taking them out of your will, they might come around again, lol. I had a big fallout this past spring. No idea what happened, but I continue to wear my headwraps. I even got a special "hat wig" that I can wear under a headwrap to make me look like I have fuller hair when I need to look a little better on special occasions. Are you planning on moving back to PA?

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