There are a couple of online friends who I no longer have contact with.
One has disappeared from the online community as far as I can tell and no longer responds to emails.
I think of her often and hope she is doing well and hope that someday there is some contact from her.
The other one hasn't responded to my attempts to contact her for 2 years now. At first I thought she had decided to remove herself from an online presence.
But a few months ago I saw that she was still(or had returned to being)online.
I had been seeing someone commenting on a few blogs I also frequent. Her writing and phrasing seemed familiar and I finally figured out it was this second online friend who had stopped communicating with me.
These blogs she was commenting on were not the kind I would have seen her on previously so I deduced that she was going onto my blog roll at some point and found these particular blogs there.
Her comments on these other blogs linked back to a new blog she had begun and by reading a bit there I confirmed that yes, this was that online friend who evidently didn't "need" me in her life any longer.
At first I was hurt that for the last 2 years she had just ignored my attempts to be her friend.
I did a somewhat large favor for her "back in the day" when her life turned upside down. Knowing now how our relationship would turn out I would still have done this favor for her given the opportunity again.
It's funny that through this action I brought her into contact with the person who is her current BFF.
I am glad to have helped her in this way too.
But beside that, it would have just been plain old common decency to have written back to me and said I don't need your friendship any longer instead of ignoring my attempts for TWO years!
That's what really hurts.....to be treated so callously, like I don't matter as a person.
It is said that people come into our lives for a reason and leave when they are no longer useful to us.
I guess that's true.
This "no longer my friend" person talks on her blog about hoping the people she's hurt can forgive her.
Well they just might if she were to communicate with them directly and tell them she is sorry.
It's one thing to ask a higher being for forgiveness when we wrong others but there is also owning up to the person you have hurt to ask them for forgiveness. You can't do one without the other to truly heal your soul. Giving something up to God without also making amends with those you wronged is just empty and won't ultimately assuage any guilt you feel.
Maybe she is not emotionally strong enough to face someone she has hurt, I don't know.
Or maybe she doesn't view me as someone she has hurt and I am not even worth her consideration and she is totally unconscious to this hurt I feel.
I do know that I am tired of making an effort and getting radio silence.
I am moving on now with my life and she needn't worry about me bothering her again if she or any of her current friends are reading this.
I won't be sharing her blog information, putting her new blog on my roll or visiting her blog since she seems to not need/want me in her life any longer.
Continuing to seek her out just seems creepy to me and stalker-ish.
And that's not my style.
I wish her only the best.
And some day I will get over the sadness I feel.