Thursday, February 24, 2011

How To Diffuse a Ticking Time Bomb......Not Quite

I don't care who sees this.
I went and bought the largest damned Shamrock Shake they make, thinking a big old dose of unhealthy nastiness would make me feel better.

The gal at the window hands me the shake.....not in the waxed paper cup I'm use to getting something like this in.
No, she hands me this PLASTIC CUP!
I HATE PLASTIC DISPOSABLE CUPS!!!
And not only is it nasty plastic......it's nowhere NEAR the size a Large Shake should be/used to be!
The censor in my brain that keeps me for saying what I am thinking malfunctioned and I actually glared at her and said....
"THIS is a LARGE Milkshake?  You have GOT to be kidding me!?!?"



***Open Letter to McDonalds***

Dear Swollen Corporate BigWigs,

This may come as a shock to you but not everyone in America is in love with fancy pants drinks.
Yes, more than a fair share of this nation worships at the altar of the Starbucks.
And seeing all that potential for making even more profits, you have offered similar fancy pants coffee and other similar drinks in your establishments in order to garner some of those Starbucks destined dollars for your own bad selves.

Be it known that those of us who aren't lured by the Pied Piper's song of fancy pants, overly decorated and enhanced drinks aren't impressed.
We aren't impressed by Starbucks and we certainly aren't impressed by your mediocre imitation.

And we don't want to pay the extra money you insist on charging for all these liquid machinations.
If we want coffee, we want coffee.
Period.
Not flavorings.
Not whipped "topping".
Not cherries.
And we want to pay a fair price for the coffee.
Not an inflated price for the 'extras' whether we want them or not.

And when we want, oh, say.....a Milkshake.
A milkshake which is not a fancy pants drink mind you!
We don't want it covered in whipped "topping".
Or topped with a cherry.
A Cherry for gosh sakes!
How are we suppose to suck that 1" in diameter cherry through a straw that is 1/3" in diameter?
Forget World Peace, go spend some of your obscene profits on answering that scientific improbability!

And if we are paying for a LARGE milkshake, we expect it to be......LARGE!
I know, I know.....this is a brazen concept, so try to stay with me here.

Not Medium.
Not Small.
Large....like in a Large Milkshake cup.
Not in a much smaller than large, will never decompose in a landfill, fancy pants iced coffee drink cup....or fancy pants smoothie cup, etc.

You have toyed with the wrong menopausal already pissed off and wound too-tight woman today McDonald's.

Signed,
Internet Hellion
Sluggy

7 comments:

  1. Oops, sorry, wasn't thinking... let me try again:

    But Sluggy, how do you *really* feel?!?!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Um maybe you should take something for your nerves while drinking your pretty shake.
    All hale sluggy the overlord.

    ReplyDelete
  3. SonyaAnn sent me over here to check up on you! LOL

    I have already nominated you for the title of Queen...so, your name is now Queen Sluggy...it has a nice ring to it, don't ya think??!! ;)

    But, I am totally on board with you on the McDonald's milkshake thing. I want a milkshake, a LARGE one, thank you, in a good ol' waxed paper cup. And, I want it to be a milkshake...a normal milkshake...not smothered in whipped cream and served in a fancy-schmancy plastic starbucks-wanna-be cup. And, don't charge me double for this starbucks-fakey-milkshake. If I wanted a Starbucks, I would go to a Starbucks!! :)

    I say, "Hail to Queen Sluggy!"

    ReplyDelete
  4. Pretty--LOL I don't hold back much, do I??lol

    SonyaAnn--Overlord eh? Has a nice ring to it, don't it? ;-)

    AMarie--uh oh....you know you've gone too far when ones internet friends send other internet friends over to "check up on you".lol
    I don't know if I prefer Queen Sluggy or Sluggy the Overlord....hmmm....can I use both?

    Well I am glad to see I am not the only one who resents the wanna-be-fancy-pants-milkshake movement! Do you think given the current state of the middle east that we should riot in the streets over this issue?.....Hmmm, maybe not.... ;-)

    Thanks for the new title!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Dear Queen Overlord Sluggy. I love your letter and think you should send it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. OMG, stay out of the grocery store. The ice cream isn't a helf gallon any more, the mayo is in a smaller jar made to look like the same size and ditto for peanut butter. They're trying to sell us 4 pounds of sugar and flour for the 5 pound price and, even though I don't DRINK coffee, I think those containers have gotten smaller too!!

    Your Overlord Queenness, you need to find someplace that makes milkshakes 'cause those things at Micky D's are just imitiations. WE have Red Robin (yum) and Fuddruckers that makes a decent shake. You got any of those back there in PeeAAA???

    dicity -- native PeeAAer

    ReplyDelete

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