I went and bought the largest damned Shamrock Shake they make, thinking a big old dose of unhealthy nastiness would make me feel better.
The gal at the window hands me the shake.....not in the waxed paper cup I'm use to getting something like this in.
No, she hands me this PLASTIC CUP!
I HATE PLASTIC DISPOSABLE CUPS!!!
And not only is it nasty plastic......it's nowhere NEAR the size a Large Shake should be/used to be!
The censor in my brain that keeps me for saying what I am thinking malfunctioned and I actually glared at her and said....
"THIS is a LARGE Milkshake? You have GOT to be kidding me!?!?"
***Open Letter to McDonalds***
Dear Swollen Corporate BigWigs,
This may come as a shock to you but not everyone in America is in love with fancy pants drinks.
Yes, more than a fair share of this nation worships at the altar of the Starbucks.
And seeing all that potential for making even more profits, you have offered similar fancy pants coffee and other similar drinks in your establishments in order to garner some of those Starbucks destined dollars for your own bad selves.
Be it known that those of us who aren't lured by the Pied Piper's song of fancy pants, overly decorated and enhanced drinks aren't impressed.
We aren't impressed by Starbucks and we certainly aren't impressed by your mediocre imitation.
And we don't want to pay the extra money you insist on charging for all these liquid machinations.
If we want coffee, we want coffee.
Period.
Not flavorings.
Not whipped "topping".
Not cherries.
And we want to pay a fair price for the coffee.
Not an inflated price for the 'extras' whether we want them or not.
And when we want, oh, say.....a Milkshake.
A milkshake which is not a fancy pants drink mind you!
We don't want it covered in whipped "topping".
Or topped with a cherry.
A Cherry for gosh sakes!
How are we suppose to suck that 1" in diameter cherry through a straw that is 1/3" in diameter?
Forget World Peace, go spend some of your obscene profits on answering that scientific improbability!
And if we are paying for a LARGE milkshake, we expect it to be......LARGE!
I know, I know.....this is a brazen concept, so try to stay with me here.
Not Medium.
Not Small.
Large....like in a Large Milkshake cup.
Not in a much smaller than large, will never decompose in a landfill, fancy pants iced coffee drink cup....or fancy pants smoothie cup, etc.
You have toyed with the wrong menopausal already pissed off and wound too-tight woman today McDonald's.
Signed,
Internet Hellion
Sluggy
