Wednesday, June 12, 2019

Oh the "Joys" of Having a Retired Spouse


Let me preface this post with the statement that I love my husband but there are times when all I can do is shake my head and mutter, "Bless his heart."  ;-)


After 36 years of  marriage(and 40 years together)you would think me and Hubs pretty much know everything about each other and are use to our foibles, right?

After all, we didn't go into marriage and have kids right away.  We spent 9 years married without any children so had ample time to get to know/get use to each other.

Well I've learned a few new things about my Hubs in the last almost 24 months since he is around the house pretty much 24/7 now.
Let me explain first that Hubs is what is known as a "left brained" person.  He is highly intelligent, has an advanced degree and is over"edumacated" as I like to call it.
He is lacking however is some common sense thinking.
The comedienne Jeanne Robertson explains it well in this stand-up piece she is known for.......


Here are a few things he does that make me scratch my head........

*  He refuses to eat sandwiches for lunch since retiring.  Exception being if we go out to eat for lunch.  But he just can't eat a sandwich at home for that meal.  He'll eat one at dinner time rarely if it's a leftover night and neither he or I don't feel like cooking/heating anything up.  Weird, huh?

*  You can't let him near landscaping in the yard with clippers or a saw.  He decided to go out in the yard last Summer and trim some trees and bushes.

This is what my rhododendron bush looked like two Summers ago in all it's blooming glory.....


And this is what it looks like after Hubs hacked it up........

Hubs butchered the poor thing, hacking off all the lower branches of the bush on 3 of it's 4 sides.  It now looks like a tree(which is never a good look for a bush).
I was so mad!!!(and I guess I still am).

* I will let him drive me places even though I could run the errands in question quicker and more efficiently by myself.  So why do I let him drive me?  If Hubs doesn't leave the house at least once a week he starts getting antsy.  But he never plans to go anywhere by himself to do anything social or fun.(Ok to be truthful, in the last 24 months he has taken himself alone somewhere fun ONE COUNT 'EM ONE TIME.  To a one day chess tournament outside of Philly.)

He has no friends he gets together with and no social activities.  He will get antsy and decide he needs to drive "down the mountain" into the city for 1 thing then two days later drive to the city again for something else.  I have tried to suggest he save up these trips and do them all together to save time and gas but no, " I can't control him and what he wants to do!"is what I get told.  I am just trying to suggest we save money on gas by combining trips but he doesn't want to hear it.
So I let him drive me around(besides "driving" me crazy).
But if we go out for more than 2 hours he expects lunch out too.  I tell ya living with a retired spouse is no picnic! lolz

*  He had never refilled a liquid hand soap container in his entire life before he retired.  How do I know this?  I asked him to refill the container in our bathroom as it was getting low.  Take a close look at this container........



If you noticed it's a "FOAMING" hand wash dispenser you have one up on Hubs.

He tells me he refilled it and when I was in that bathroom later I went to wash my hands and realized that he doesn't know that when you refill a foaming dispenser with reg. liquid hand soap you have to water it down a lot.  I stood there trying to pump the mechanism and couldn't for the life of me figure out why the blasted pump wouldn't depress or squirt out any soap! lolz
Yep, he killed the foaming dispenser.......

*  He doesn't understand the reason for reflectors on your mailbox.

After this happened while on vacation with Kim and her DH in New England.......


He got the new mailbox installed and he decided to put big reflectors on it.  Here is where he put them.............


On the post holding the mailbox.  We don't need reflectors on our mailbox as a navigational aid for pulling into or out of our driveway so reflectors on the post serve no purpose at all.
We need reflectors on the end of the mailbox that sticks out into the road it's next too so nobody hits the mailbox because they can't see it!
Putting reflectors on the post BEHIND the mailbox serves no purpose to us.
So I tried to reason with Hubs and this is what he did..........


Put teeny tiny reflectors on the front of the mailbox next to the door.  Chester is showing you what he thinks of this whole situation.  lolz


*  He has taken to wiping every single item that comes out of the dishwasher with a hand towel.
When he retired he basically took over kitchen clean up duty.......I cook/shop/prep food so he now washes up/cleans up the kitchen afterwards.  This means he loads, runs and empties the dishwasher.

Nobody can load is right as far as he is concerned so I no longer bother putting anything INTO the dishwasher because I know he is just going to take it out and rearrange everything in there.
That I can live with.

But what drives me bat shit crazy is that everything he takes out of the dishwasher now gets rubbed down with a hand towel.  Ok, I can see doing that to the bottom of the glasses/cups in the top rack as they tend to hold a bit of water after coming through the wash/dry cycle.  It's fairly OCD with him now.

But he has to take every danged plate, bowl, utensil.....all of which are perfectly dry after being run through the dishwasher with the drying cycle........and hand towel them to death before putting them away.  Doesn't matter if the item is dry already.
Drives.
Me.
Insane!

And the worst thing is that I have seen him take a dirty hand towel(the one I keep to wipe my hands while cooking lives in a crocheted ring on the oven door)and use that one inside of a clean towel to rub the CLEAN dishes.............arghhhh!

I had better stop now because my eye is starting to twitch here. 8-P

Sluggy



20 comments:

  1. You preacher, me choir. My DH is much older than me, and has been retired for a bit longer than yours. That first year of his retirement? Ho boy.
    Love your use of the word "educmacated." Last Christmas, DH and I couldn't get the fake Christmas tree to light. Our eldest DS did it in about 35 seconds, finishing up with "Lotta' good your fancy college edumacations did you guys."

    ReplyDelete
  2. My husband isn't retired but resembles a lot of those traits. He has no friends and often finds himself bored when the kids and I are busy. He also works nights, and on his days off prefers to keep his weird sleeping patterns so he doesn't get off routine. Which means he is wandering around Walmart or the casino at 3 a.m. because nothing else is open. He likes to drive us places but then rushes us along and complains. Sigh.

    He decided that we should put stucco (???) Around the house, below where the siding stops. I was thinking more along the lines of a stone wall look. He literally slapped concrete on the house and has yet to finish it. Looks like a three year slinging mud pies. I'm sick over it :(

    I hate to complain. It sounds so petty as I type because he isn't a bad person lol. But oi vey ....

    ReplyDelete
  3. LOL! I can't eat sandwiches at home for lunch either - unless it's from a deli or restaurant. Everything else - you're right, he's nuts ;) LOL

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Sluggy, this is Chris. Your soliloquy of the joys of a retired spouse did not disappoint. I cracked up at the filling up of the soap bottle especially. I expect I will be in your shoes in a few years. Every time I go to the grocery and see older retired couples shopping together, I wonder if my hubby will tag along also when he is retired. I hope not b/c he buys expensive things not on the list most of the time when we go together. LOLOL!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Okay I am laughing my a$$ off right now because we married the same man. I am so sorry that his twin brother resides in Idaho.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I enjoy watching Jeanne Robertson videos too,she's so funny !My husband is 72 and still working full time because he's very hyper and gets bored easily also(which means spending money that we don't have).

    ReplyDelete
  7. See, I am right when I do not allow anyone to lop anything in the yard. Men always take off the wrong limbs. Not eating a sandwich for lunch would make me nuts. In the past when something needed wiping or drying, Tommy would go after it with such a vengeance that I was a little afraid. He said he wanted to make sure it was dry. ???

    His retirement sounds like fun. NOT

    ReplyDelete
  8. If you get a chance to see Jeanne Robertson go see her. She was in town earlier in the year and we went. I have not laughed so hard in a long time plus what she says rings so true.
    TheHub is planning to retire in a year or so and as much as I love hime and sometimes enjoy being with him for extended periods of time, I am not sure how I feel about the 24/7. I am pretty sure he is president of OCD America. It is going to be a challenge.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Lol... I'm the same way about loading the dishwasher. I don't allow anyone else to do it. DH has given up on loading the dishwasher for me.

    One other thing I do is to rinse everything (plates, pots, utensils) before use (someone my mother drilled into us. She was a neat freak and all food had to be washed, before cooking too), so I totally understand your DH when it comes to drying everything.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oops, I'm logged into my old account. It's Ms Goose here.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Seriously this sounds like my husband...except hes not retired yet, works from home. If he doesn't leave the house every 3 days he goes bananas and I mean more than walking the dog. Counting the days down (September) until he is booked out of town again on business. I never ever let hubby hack at our bushes anymore. I would rather do it or our shared boxwoods let our very nice gay neighbor man do it - he does it like artwork.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I could read another list like this. Very amusing!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Give him time He is lost Join something together at first so he can find a friend or volunteer together Be thankful that you are together because you will miss him and his annoying habits when he is not there So many people are on their own. Plan to travel but get him to do the research. Little trips first up then bigger. My mind boggles because retirement can be wonderful.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh yeah, I can relate. We have been married 20 years. First marriage for him, third for me. He works from home and always has. Used to travel a bit more when we first married. Not as much now. So I count the days when I know he is going on a trip and at least 2-3 times a year I go to Oregon to see family and he stays home. He is getting very set in his ways now. Everything done a certain way - usually which I think is the wrong way. lol. He is now "taking" me to the store since my heart doctor grounded me from driving until my arrhythmias are under control. I just want to go to the store ALONE some times! He blows my budget. Cheap on somethings and learning to shop the sales but insists on the expensive things he likes. I guess I should just be happy he will take me to thrift stores and yard sales now. But the grocery stores are my territory! Can't wait to be able to drive again. Freedom! Yep and if he opens one more drawer or cupboard in the kitchen and leaves them open I will bop him! It takes just a second to close it. So do that. lol

    ReplyDelete
  15. If he won't eat a sandwich for lunch at home, then what does he eat? I would not be able to cope with the drying dishes with a dirty towel thing. Oh, the joys of having no spouse. I understand, though, that you don't want to get rid of him. You just want to reform him a bit.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
  16. I enjoyed the entry; it made me smile despite of myself
    "Bless his heart" is said here often whenever we are about to lambast or objurgate someone or each other.

    ReplyDelete
  17. This is a great post. You vented, made me feel I am not alone because I have similar feelings (don't we all?) and you used humor. A hat trick post!

    ReplyDelete
  18. This is so funny Sluggy! Reminds me of the time I asked Kazi to buy a pound of butter as I was going to make shortbread. She brought home 5 lbs of butter because she didn't know how much was a pound. Keep your sense of humour handy!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Have I missed the last in the series about your ancestor--the woman with all the problems? I wonder how her life ended.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Hey very interesting blog!

    ReplyDelete

Hey there! Thanks for leaving a comment.
All Anonymous commentors will be deleted.
Please include your name in your comment, or choose the 'Name' option and put your name or whatever you call yourself, in the box. Thank you.

Though I moderate it's partly to keep trolls at bay but also partly so that I read every comment. I don't often respond to comments so if you need me to answer you please write me at my email addy posted on my "About Me" page, linked on the side bar.