Friday, August 22, 2014

Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da




As of last Saturday Hubs and I are empty nesters.
Well sort of.
Our youngest child went off to college that day for the first time.

#2 Son couldn't leave this two-bit, provincial town fast enough!
Yes, he has been ready to move on socially and academically for years.
He found his high school and this town stifling.

I hated to tell him that the town his college is in is even smaller and may be more stifling. lol
But then again, within the University will be larger opportunities for growth and people who haven't lived here their entire lives and he will find his niche and blossom.
And if he doesn't find it there, there are a myriad of other schools he can try on.

While we are not truly empty nesters yet, since our son will be back living here during school breaks, this "last child out of the nest" event has signaled the end of our active childrearing days, and has ushered in a new phase in our lives.
The "let's get nekkid & drink anytime we want and carry on like kids if we want" phase.

We do still have one dog left so we can't fully be free and just pick up and go, travel, etc. anytime we want yet.  But she's old and not looking real well so we are close. ;-)

I waited to talk about sending our last child off into the world for a bit instead of jumping right on this as a blog post earlier this week.
Because from everything I've ever heard about how mothers react to this event, I really didn't feel anything that fit into the stereotypical reaction.

I've always heard and seen that mothers, in particular, greet this new phase of life, with dread and gloom.  Many women sink into deep depression when their last kid leaves home.
Being a stay-at-home mom or a working mom, neither seem to matter in regard to a mom's reaction to not having children in the house anymore.

My own mother had a very difficult time when I left home to go to college.  Of course she had other "things" going on in her life that also led to her depression and her suicide attempt in the Fall just after I left home.
Most mom's don't resort to attempting to end their lives when their children fly the coop, but I have seen and heard that most moms do have some level of emotional crisis when this empty nest event occurs.

So I waited for the letdown to happen this week.
I waited for my eyes to mist up as I gazed into #2 son's bedroom or thought of something that reminded me of him.

And it never came.

Don't get me wrong, I love my kids!
And it does seem strange to not have kids in my house after the last 23 years of yelling at, cuddling, picking up after, cooking for and washing their piles of dirty clothes.

But I just didn't see the end of this phase of my life as something to dread and mourn over.

Maybe I am just strange......I don't know really.

Sure, I think about them a lot and when certain things happen or I see something, it makes me think about one or more of them.
But I never burst into tears at some insignificant moment, or think I no longer have a purpose in life.
Well at least so far.....

All I feel is excitement really.
Excitement for my kids being "out there" in the world and excited for all the opportunities they may have and excited to see how they craft their own lives now with the tools, that hopefully, their parents helped them to develop in their formative years.
I'm excited for them to realize their own dreams and potential.

And excited for myself, for what new experiences await me with all this new claimed free time to myself.

But first, there is the issue of detritus.
The detritus of my youngest son's old life as manifested in his now vacant bedroom.

His room doesn't look so bad/filthy on the surface but you can't see all the crap under his bed or in his closet.

And on Sunday I began digging out his old room in preparation for a thorough cleaning and fumigating.

Now remember, this is the child that was hoarding a collection of plastic spoons from the school cafeteria, for no reason other than he was bored so he started taking spoons home.

During my initial survey of the filth in his room, I found this......

Oh Goody!
A new collection!!

8 containers of deodorant and/or body sprays, some with product still in them, and one not even opened yet.
I wonder how many more will be unearthed in the coming weeks?

Stay tuned.........

Sluggy-so over child rearing(& dog wrangling too)



  1. how exciting for you and hubs! so whatcha gonna do first?

  2. Sluggy, I did a dance of joy when my only chick flew the nest. You are not alone in these feelings. I love my DD, but i am happy that she's out on her own. I have friends like us, we're celebrating life. I will say that it's truly fabulous to prance down the hallway with a towel on my hair and nothing else. ( As long as the blinds are closed)... The other great job is buying only the food you like... Or not worrying about what time they're getting home at. Life will be grand at CHez Sluggy!

  3. It is exciting for them to get out on their own. I'm glad it's so positive for you.
    Right now we should be empty nesters, but my 29 yr old is living with us as she works on and finishes her online MLS at San Jose state.
    Then my son, is going to a junior college and working and living at home, but not for much longer. His GF has entered the picture and we've laid down the law she cannot continue ti be here. So, I'm really depressed in a way about it all. Nothing serious, but, it's stressful and I wish, in some way, they just went to college and then kept going.

  4. Hi Slugmama, this is Chris from frugal makes sense comments. Congratulations on your empty nest! We have been empty nesters for awhile now, welcome to the club. Good luck to your kids in college this year.

  5. LOL at all the deodorant.....well you do find all those good deals, ya know!

    My youngest leaves in a month and I have a feeling I'm just going to feel lost for awhile. While I'm very excited for her, it will seem very lonely around here without my best buddy. But, I have a feeling just as the time comes where I am getting used to her being gone and enjoying "no kids" Son will return home to stay awhile LOL.

  6. I think your reaction is completely normal - to want your kids to be happy and go out into the world on their own. You are a brave woman going into that room to clean though. A match might be better :)

  7. In a few months you will wonder why on earth didn't you shoo them out earlier.

  8. Hmmm, so you get depressed when your vacation is over, but not when all the kids I read that vacation-is-over depression/sadness is common. I am so glad you are not depressed with kids gone. "Life goes on." Loved the song.

    This will simplify menus! And, cleaning and everything. Does the dog miss him?

    Oh, I can just see you hastening the dog to leave sooner!

  9. I was one of those odd mothers as well. I love, Love, LOVE my kids, but I had been thinking about and planning the empty nest phase of my life since they were toddlers. Perhaps it comes from having children at a younger age; I honestly don't know. But now that they are off leading independent lives, DH and I are happy with our own pursuits. We still see them pretty regularly - the mandatory monthly family dinner is a Very Big Deal - but we are all living our own version of happily ever after.

  10. Sorry to tell you this Sluggy, but in some ways you're just too freakin' sane!

  11. Sluggy, embrace this new era of your life. I too loved the empty nest feeling unfortunately it only lasted 10 months before she came home again :o(

  12. It sounds like you are well adjusted, your kids are ready to find their way in the world and you are not hanging on, not wanting them to build a life that is not dependent on you. Bravo!

  13. I started to panic a bit before DJ left. Like, :what am I going to do with my life" and so on. I have now been free for over a week and guess what I AM FINE! Better than fine! Or maybe the alcohol and free time is helping.
    I'm not animal free but the 2 cats don't need much. Den I think will stick around for a while. LOL
    I'm happy for you and Mr. sluggy on your new freedom! Live it up and I'll bail you out.

  14. My nest is only partially empty in that Kazi shares her time between home, her boyfriend's parents' home and the various couches and spare beds at friends' homes. I'm just itching to give her room a thorough delousing (it's horrendous!!) but I'm not allowed to touch it (yet) as SHE knows where everything is! I envy you!

  15. Don't get too excited, kids all move back in by 30 :)

  16. Here is how my parents prevented any of us kids from moving back in. . . sell the current home and buy a smaller one with fewer bedrooms. Pretty big hint!!

    Congrats Sluggy! I feel the same as you. My oldest moved on campus for band camp last saturday and even though we live in the same town as her college, I told her that we don't ever have to see her except on holidays. And my youngest will be leaving for college next fall. Hubby and I have been scheming and planning all summer long about what we wanna do when the kids move out.

    So much fun!!


  17. Oh, Sluggy, I don't think you are odd at all. You KNOW how much Hubby and I enjoy our empty nest. We love our kids, but really love that they are happily on their own now.


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