A Student No More

Last weekend Hubs, my brother and I traveled to western PA to celebrate the graduation of my oldest child.
Our money Our son spent 4 years at this school.....HERE.

Brother drove up from VA on thursday.  Like his car?

He bought it used.
Like brother, like sister.....lol

On Friday we made our journey to the left side of the state, a 5+ hour drive.

I picked up oldest son a graduation gift when we stopped about halfway for gas.
I think it's something he will use and will be handed down as a family heirloom in the future.....

(It's a flask keyring if you can't make it out in the photo.)
Hey!

I spare no expense for my kid.....

As quick as a flash, we were back on the road.....

Soon we were at the motel and Oldest Son drove over to see us.
Hadn't seen him since last Christmas.....

Since we were famished and hadn't had lunch yet, we went here to eat.....

No photos of us shoving food into our mouths today, sorry.

Then it was quickly over to the University for the Convocation Ceremony.  Oldest was graduating with Honors so he had to be there to get his honors stole.
I'm still getting use to my new camera so this shot is a little dark and I missed him shaking hands with the President or whoever that was in the fancy dress and blinged out necklace.....

And this shot is 2 seconds too late since he's got the stole on already and was boogeying outta there so fast he was a blue......

Here is Oldest with his proud parents afterwards....

And with his proud Uncle......

Then we had dinner with our almost graduate at the Dinor in the college town.
Not a DINER, a DINOR.
Don't ask, it's a western Pennsylvania thang.....

Fanciest Diner OR Dinor I ever ate at.  An actual "chef" in the kitchen fixing us the night's special of Steak Diane.
Steaks that were overcooked and we sent back.
Hey, if we've spending $17.95 a pop and it's not done correctly, we send it back.
Wouldn't you?!
Then it was off to the liquor store for supplies. ;-)

That night we went to meet the grandparents of Oldest's girlfriend....the folks they have both been living with this school year.
It was a nice visit with some good people.

Saturday morning we were up and out to the University bright and early.  The ceremony started at 10am but the venue(the school's Fieldhouse)opened at 8:30am.  We had to get there early so we could get a seat on the ground floor of the bleachers.  Lugging my oxygen tank cart, I didn't need to be climbing stairs.
I sure wish I had thought to bring a cushion of some kind as the ceremony went 2.5 hours but since we got there at 8:30am, the 4 HOURS on that hard wooden bleacher was less than kind to my ass!
But I didn't complain......much......

They had two screens up above the stage.  One was used to simulcast the ceremony for those in the nosebleed seats in the back and the other was used to flash all the graduates degrees/schools/honors before the ceremony started.
Here's Oldest son's name....

It's blurry because it was starting to change as I snapped the photo so it's a double exposure....agh.
Here is the Honors board......

He's listed under Magna Cum Laude but he actually graduated Summa Cum Laude.  He had a borderline Magna vs. Summe GPA going into the last semester and with his 4.0 for that term, it pushed him above a 3.8.


Right at 10am we heard what sounded like cats being tossed in a burlap sack.
Pretty soon we saw that it was just the processional group......

And here come the drums.....

What other university do you know that has a full ride scholarship for a bagpiper....outside of Scotland, that is.....

Then the guy came with the big stick.....I wonder if he walked softly.....

We sat and sat.....and sat some more.
Then the Commencement speaker spoke.....

Not a celebrity and no one that any of you would recognize her name.  She's a bigwig in the state education game so let's move along, shall we?

Then after some more people speaking, a choral piece, some more people speaking and a band performance and yet ANOTHER person speaking, they got down to the important business of the day--the handing out of diplomas.
Of course, Oldest son's college, The College of Education, was the next to last group to be called up.
So after about 550 of the 600+ conferees, they got to Oldest.
As the conferees took the stage the screens overhead had a video of each kid saying his/her name, where they were from and what degree they were getting.  Oldest said that they filmed these without warning the students about it so he looked like the Unibomber in his video with a ratty old flannel shirt and a beard on his face.
Hey!
It gets freaking cold up there in the winter so he stops shaving for a few months.

I had Hubs go forward and try to get a shot of Oldest son being handed his diploma but well, Hubs is a worse photographer than me so we don't have one.
But we do have this one after he came off the stage......

The white stole is for Magna Cum Laude honors and the red and white cords signify Departmental Honors.  He also was inducted into Phi Alpha Theta (the History Honor Society)last Spring.

Pretty soon, after I could feel my ass again, it was off for traditional photos with the family in front of the ginormous "Fighting Scot" statue.  Sorry Mel G., this Scot is much better.

First the parents......

Then with the Uncle.....

Then with the girlfriend.....

Now for the gratuitous silly photos.
Oldest son with his friend contemplating their futures....

Then with the 'rents again with mom making bunny ears....

 After a late lunch at Calamari's with Oldest and ten of his family and friends it was back to the motel room to celebrate our new graduate.
Oldest arrived with goodies in hand......

After a few hours it was time for snacks.
Pizza, anyone?

After a night of wild debauchery.....ok, not really unless you think eating 3 pieces of pizza is crazy......we were up bright and early, if NOT bushy tailed.
First on the itinerary was a hearty breakfast with Oldest and his girlfriend at a local dive dinor eating establishment, Libby's Chowhound Café.
The meals were HUGE!
2 pancakes as big as my head, 2 eggs and 4 strips of bacon.  I wept as I gave away some of that bacon to the Hubs.....sniff.......
Here we are afterwards.  We can barely fit into the shot....lol

After the photo we said our goodbyes and began the 5+ hour journey home.
Well, we did make a stop at the Outlet Mall on the way home so I could buy a purse.
Yah.....that's my story.....a bought A purse.
Not three like some people might tell you if asked.
One purse.......
Really!
Just one.
Or maybe not just one...... 8-))

So that's the story.
And I didn't cry for real even one time.....well, not in front of anybody at least.

So we have one child off the family payroll.
Two more to go.....lord help me......

Sluggy

Party's Over

In honor of my son, who graduated from college this past Saturday, here is a funny parody of a recent popular song.
If you are viewing this Matt, now as a full fledged adult, unemployed and broke and looking for a job, after a weekend of drunken debauchery, take these words to heart my son.

Love,
Mom

 

Sluggy

Fun Times at Chez Sluggy

We are busy, busy, busy lately here at Chez Sluggy.

Last week we had our initial Sleep Apnea consult at the Sleep Disorders Clinic.
Geez, I can't even be orderly when I sleep.....

Then the daughter picked up her beau at the airport in Philly.  Say hello to Justin......

The barbecue and ribs I smoked, along with some COC roasted on the grill, hit the spot on Friday night.
Saturday we met daughter and her beau for a late lunch/early dinner.  They don't have "Friendly's" down in Louisiana so they wanted to go there.
They get to pick the venue and Hubs and I get to pick-UP the check. Hmmmmm.

Daughter got this monstrocity called a Grilled Cheese Hamburger.

It's 2 grilled cheese sandwiches for the "bun" of a hamburger.....2 grilled cheese with a hamburger in the middle of the pile.

It's no longer on the menu so you have to ask for it special and it's got a hefty price tag attached.

But daughter says it's, "Freakin' awesome!"


Coming home I didn't like the looks of this cloud.....

It was angry and starting to swirl.
Luckily it did NOT spiral into something nasty and chase us home.

Sunday morning, daughter and her beau loaded up her new car to head out on a 1,300 miles trip to Louisiana.

 

I don't know how they got everything they did packed into that little car.  There's a rather large tv in the trunk, all her clothes and a massive shoe collection.  Yeah, daughter is one of "those women". lol

 She had wanted to take her recumbent exercise bike in that car, which was NOT happening.  Now I get to use it...yay!

Bon Voyage favorite daughter!

*They made it to LA safe and sound. 8-)

The rest of Mother's Day was uneventful and low key.  Oldest son called me that evening and we hardly saw Youngest son since he works in a restaurant and it was Mother's Day.
'Nuff said....lol

Monday I got to go have blood drawn and got the added treat of peeing into a cup. 8-))

Tuesday evening I got to spend the night in the hospital at the Sleep Disorders Center.  I had a sleepover where they wired me up and watched me sleep.  Now how much fun does that sound like.....watching me sleep?  About as exciting as watching paint dry I think.

The Sleep Doc says I have Pickwickian Syndrome(named after the little Dickensian fat boy, John, in The Pickwick Papers, who can't seem to catch his breath).
It's one of the myriad of problems they say I have that is causing me to have heart problems.  Treatment consists of weight loss and using a Positive Air Pressure machine or a BiPAP at night while sleeping.
Oh goody!  Now I get to look like a Snuffleupagus and sound like Darth Vader.

 

Not very sexy at bedtime....

Wednesday I got to go hang out at the Heart Hospital.
I got to sit on a bed in a lovely shmatah and they gave me this cool jewelry.....

The not so cool part was they also got to poke me with needles.  I got two, count 'em two, IV lines!
And the second line took 2 tries to get right.
But wait....there's more!
When they took me in for the catheterization the second line came out when the nurse was futzing with it, so I got a lovely new line put into my artery.
Isn't my bandaid HUGE?!  It matches my huge nostrils.......

They did a right heart catheterization to measure the pressures in my heart.  Just one of the many diagnostic tests I've been subjected to lately.
It involves running a tube into the right chamber of the heart and measure pressures there and into the lungs.
Cross your fingers I pass this test.
It was a SONOFABITCH with no anesthetic.
And since they had to go into my neck artery the trip was shorter but my 40 min. in and out the door procedure took 6 HOURS!  2 to prep, 2 to perform and 3 laying in recovery to make sure I didn't bleed out or something.
Yikes!
It's a good thing Hubs took the whole day off to take me.

The good thing it's a good excuse to be lazy and do NOTHING around the house for 5 days, per doctor's orders.
Go Me!

So we are slowly going down a list of ailments and ticking them off as we find out we are NOT afflicted with them.
I go see the cardiologist next week to see what the next step is.

Today I colored my hair so I don't look like my son's grandmother at his college graduation on Saturday.
Then I had a hot young thang deliver oxygen cylinders to me.  I undressed him with my eyes while he carried those large torpedoes into the house.

And now I am waiting on my brother to arrive from Virginia so I can feed him and he can ride with us to the ceremony.
The weekend promises to be jam packed with activity too.

What are you up to lately?

Sluggy


 

So Many Wonderful Things to be Besides a Princess!

This is a wonderful idea!

Go read it HERE.

There are so many better things to dream of being sides a Disney princess waiting for her prince.  Let's give girls some REAL role models to contemplate!

This got me thinking about all the famous or infamous woman in history I would have liked to have met.

Here's part of my list---

Alice Neel-American painter
Pearl S. Buck-writer and humanitarian
Madame du Barry-French courtesan
Florence Lowe "Pancho" Barnes-aviation pioneer
Georgia O'Keefe-American painter
Cleopatra-Queen of Egypt
Pearl White-film pioneer/actress
Dorothy Vogel-art collector and patron
Sally Tompkins-the angel of the Confederacy
Ayn Rand-writer, philosopher
Phoebe Ann Moses "Annie Oakley"-sharpshooter
Emily Warren Roebling-chief bridge engineer
Queen Victoria of England
Pearl S. White-
Queen Elizabeth I of England
Catherine the Great of Russia
Eleanor of Aquitaine
Nancy Ward "Nanye-Hiwas"-Cherokee leader
Edith Piaf-chanteuse
Sappho-Greek poet
Sacajawea-Cherokee guide
Martha Jane Canary "Calamity Jane"-frontierswoman
Maria Callas-singer
Lucretia Mott-women's rights activist
Elizabeth Cady Stanton-ditto
Mata Hari-spy
Eleanor and Virginia Dare-mother/daughter The Lost Colony
Grace Hopper-1st Navy Admiral & computer pioneer
Margaret Sanger-Planned Parenthood founder
Varina Banks Howell Davis-writer, diplomat, 1st Lady of the Confederacy
Mae West-entertainer
Hetty Green 'the witch of Wall Street'-financial genius
Doris Duke-heiress & recluse
Zelda Fitzgerald-crazy flapper wife of F. Scott
Nellie Bly-journalist
Abigail Adams-1st Lady and 1st Mother
Hattie McDaniels-actress
Marian Anderson-operatic singer/human rights activist
Margaret Bourke-White--photo journalist
Phoebe Yates Levy Pember-nurse and hospital administrator

I kinda would have liked to have met Lucretia Borgia also.....though NOT at a wine tasting party.


If you had a Time Machine, which women from History would you like to meet?

Sluggy

 

Do You Have Enough?

I'm not talking today about food or money....these are things where it's often asked if you have enough.

No, today's question is aimed at something as important as those two but for me, today, is hitting a lot closer to home.

You see, I have a friend.
This friend recently lost her husband of many years.
He was not sick.
For all intents and purposes he was a health man in his prime.
But just like that, he was cut down by something nobody saw coming.
And he died in an instant.

There was nothing anybody could do.
And just like that, my friend lost her lost her best friend and the main financial support of their family.

While my friend does work outside the home, she doesn't bring home the "big bucks" like her husband did.  There is no way she can make up that income that has been lost.
And she still has kids at home.
They now have to live on far less than before and things are going to be mighty tight for them going forward.

My friend thought they had enough life insurance on her husband.
He had insurance through his job and they thought that was sufficient, at least until they got out of debt.  They had planned to pick up hefty amounts of life insurance after they eliminated their debt in about 9 months.

But he died before they got a chance to buy more coverage.
And my friend found out after the fact that they didn't have enough insurance on her husband when, after some medical bills incurred and the funeral and burial expenses, there was nothing left to use to help support their family going forward.

Needless to say, my friend is distraught over her loss right now.

But she is also stressed beyond belief now, at a time where she shouldn't have to think about things like how is she going to pay her bills and stay in her home, and feed her kids and pay for college, etc.

My friend knows I have a blog and I talk about personal finance sometimes too.  So she asked me, no she implored me to write a post about protecting your life and your family by having enough life insurance on the main bread winner in your home.
Let me say that again......Protect your life and your family by having enough life insurance on the main bread winner in your home.

You can never have enough life insurance, she says.
And an emergency fund, she added.  I'm quoting her on what she said about this....

"Emergency funds.  They can never be large enough.  Ever.  Think you have enough?  You don't.  There is no such thing as enough.
Not having enough money in insurance and in the bank is humiliating.  Having to borrow money from your parents for food until you can go back to work is humbling.  Calling your debtors and asking if they can just freeze your debts for a few months until you are on your feet is horrible.  Have a bigger emergency fund and don't wait until you are out of debt to get life insurance."

I'll add that if you have a family or are married, make sure you have a will and it's up-to-date.  If all your money & accounts are tied up in probate because your loved one died without a will, it's hard to pay the mortgage or buy food with thin air.  It's bad enough to lose your spouse to not have to be left destitute because your assets where under protected.

I admire my friend for having the courage and the insight to want to forewarn people, even while she is going through one of the most painful times of her life.
The least I can do is grant her wish to try to help some one out there.

Don't let this happen to you.


Sluggy

The $20K Savings Challenge of 2013....April Update

$20K Savings Challenge.......April Update

In our family we save money. It is important to us to put money aside for "rainy days".  You know.....those unexpected days when things happen in your life that you can't plan on, but that DO happen and they cost you money you didn't know you'd need to pay out.

Our income is mainly the salary my Hubs draws from his job.  We have money taken off each paycheck from the top to put into savings, before we even get our hands on it.  This money that's taken goes into various pots....life insurance, investments and retirement savings.  It's automatic so we are never tempted to NOT put it into savings.
Once the automatic savings, plus taxes and medical/dental/vision payments are taken out, it leaves what we get to "live on".  From this amount we budget for bills, both monthly and irregular bills(semi-annual, etc.) and our variable bills(like food, eating out, etc.)  Anything left over once our monthly expenses are paid, I put aside into a Savings Challenge. 

For 2013 I am continuing my Yearly Savings Challenge.  I am going to keep the Goal amount at $20,000 again this year.

On to the April report.....

I have posted my April End of Month $20K $AVING$ CHALLENGE Totals.
Check out the side bar to your right for the specific numbers.

I have 2 goals each month.....
The 1st is to actually finish each month in the black and not the red.
The 2nd is to hit the targeted savings amount of $1,666.67.

I have to report that we finished up April in the black!
The extra cash amount we ended the month of April with?.......$3,108.15

Income
We had $1497.65 left over from our income after our monthly expenses were deducted. 

Add in a per diem expense reimbursement check and our federal tax refund and we get another $1,610.50.  This brought our gain to $3108.15 for April.

Outgo

As for the expenses this April, here are the good and the bad side of things....

HERE are the GOOD THINGS

 

*  The long distance phone bill was $4.04 lower.

*  The cash withdrawals were $225 less than in March.

* The electric bill was $54.53 lower than March.

HERE are the BAD THINGS

 

*  The water bill was $4.05 higher than March.

*  The credit card bill went up $892.261(but was still paid off at month's end.)

*  The music lessons were $60 more.
*  The doctor bills were up $185.30 from last month.
*  We had an additional prorated bill for $200.01 for car insurance since #2 Son has his license now.  I'm not complaining though as it was suppose to be $400, but with taking Daughter off(sort of)the increase was less than expected.

The Food Budget costs for April are in another post, which is located HERE.

We overshot the food budget by $35.49 last month.

The 2013 TOTAL so far.....
With 4 month behind us, our Savings Grand Total for 2013 stands at $8,597.78.  Only $11,402.22 left to save and 8 months left to accomplish this.

 

Looking ahead for May......

*  We don't have any quarterly or yearly bills due this month. Yay us! ;-)
 

*  Due to my visit to the ER and hospital stay and all the new doctor appointments and tests, we will have bills starting to roll in this month, so I can't even hazard a guess if we'll be able to make our monthly savings target of $1666.67 in May.  We shall see in the fullness of time.

*  Gas and eating out spending will be higher this month due to a trip to see our oldest son graduate from college.  sniff, sniff

So how was your April financially?
 

Did you put ordinary living expenses on a credit card last month and not pay it off in full when due?
Did you spend less than the income you had in April?
Did you received any "extra" or unexpected money in April, like a tax refund or bonus at work,
and what did you do with those funds?
Did you stay within your budget or not?
Did you pay off any debt or put extra toward your mortgage principle?

If you posted your financial progress on your own blog, leave a link in the comments so we can go check you out your progress too and celebrate with you!

Sluggy

A Tribute to My Mother

If we want to be honest, no woman has ever had a perfect relationship with their mother.  The mother/daughter bond changes as we go through life.  Eventually the roles we are used to playing are reversed and the parent becomes the child and vice versa.  Some relationships see the roles change back and forth over and over again.
But in the end, no matter how we feel about our mothers and what kind of relationship we end up having(whether a fulfilling one or a "not so much" one), there is the inescapable fact that we are bonded to this woman.  Her presence or lack of a presence shapes us in untold ways over our entire lives for better or for worse.

The following are some thoughts with a pictorial of my mother and how I saw her through my eyes and experiences.
*************************

My mom.
Carole Frances Harper Bowman.
She was an only child who grew up during the depression.
Her parents doted on her.
I would chance to say that she was spoiled and didn't want for anything despite the family's humble beginnings.  My grandmother had been a career woman back when women only worked if life circumstances required it(no spouse, the death of a spouse, etc.).  Back in the 1940's/1950's these woman were the exception.
My mom had a very large extended family of 11 aunts and uncles and their spouses and more cousins than you could count on half a dozen sets of hands, so she was never lonely growing up.

She was your typical teenager.
She joined the high school majorettes.  That's her on the right......


 

Here's her Junior Class picture from 1950-51.....

I don't have a Senior photo because like many girls of 16 or 17 or 18, she feel deeply in love with a boy and left school to get married.  Because back in 1951 and thereabouts, that was the ultimate goal for a "normal" woman.....to be a wife and subsequently a mother. 

Because of the "timing" of events in my mother's life, there wasn't a year or two to wait, finish school and plan a big elaborate wedding.
It had to be soon.....before she began to show.  ;-)

But that was ok because Mom was in a big hurry to grow up and be an adult.  She left school and married my father when she was 16.
Here she is on her wedding day with her parents.....

(She did eventually get her GED years later.)

By Dec. 1951 mom had a baby.
By Jan. 1953 mom had another baby.

6 more years passed before I arrived and we were a family of 5.
My mom was the mother of 3 children before her 25th birthday.
Here we are on Easter of 1959 all dressed up.....

The shot below was taken in 1962.  IT is one of my favorites.
It's 4 generations of the women in my family, on my maternal side.
I have always considered both my great grandmother and my grandmother very strong woman.  Even as a young child, I sensed that these two women in my life were insurmountable forces of nature.  They possessed an energy, a life force and a presence.  They had overcome great odds in life and were survivors.

My mother, on the other hand, never seemed to me to be a whole person.  Looking back on my childhood, I don't recall my mom as a strong presence in my life.  I know she was physically there because I was taken care of, and I had food, clean clothes, an immaculate home to live in and the usual trappings a middle class child possesses.
I knew my mother loved me but we really didn't have much one on one time together.  Though she didn't work outside the home, her life was filled with housekeeping, coffee klatches with her best girl friends and my father.  My father was the Sun around which she orbited.  She was a whole person with him and her moods were merely the reflection of what aura he was giving off at the moment.
To me, as a child, she seemed more of an extension on my father, rather than a person unto herself.

He was also very controlling.  I sometimes think that this is why she was drawn to him.  Her mother was a very strong woman, strong because her life circumstances demanded that she be strong, not out of any desire to be the family's leader and head.  My mother was use to the subservient role so she chose a mate in life who was similar in constitution to her mother.
But my father was also the most controlling person I've ever met.
But I digress......

 

back row l to r--Carole(28), Lillian(48)
sitting, Lucy(73), me(3)

My mother lost her mother in Sept. 1967 and 6 months later, her father also passed away.
Though she was an adult of 33/34 years I don't think she ever fully recovered from these losses.
I remember her being so distraught at the funerals that she sobbed for days and had to be sedated.
I don't think she was ever the same after that.  At least it seemed so to me.

The picture below is 8 years later, taken on my 11th birthday.  My mother was 35 years old.
I look at this picture and remember this being a good time in my mother's life.  My brothers were mostly self-sufficient teens so her workload was less at home.  Mom had a close circle of friends and neighbors who got together on weekends to drink and socialize and my father even joined in and approved.   She seemed happy.  My father had finally gotten his college diploma(going at night for many years)and was then able to make advances in his career so there was more money for the niceties of life, of which my mother had a fondness.  She loved to plan parties and she got to indulge in this hobby since my father's business required him to wine and dine clients.  Mom got to spend on clothes and shopped at the upscale stores we had like Smith & Welton's, Miller & Rhodes, Ames & Brownley and the PH Rose Shoppes.

Around this time my mother began changing her hair color.  She went through many styles and colors, never satisfied with any one for very long.  I see this as a symptom of her trying to find herself.  She was a wife and mother but who "was she"?

The next shot is of mom at Christmastime in 1973.  It was taken shortly before we moved to a new home in a nearby town.  I can see a marked change in my mother's expression in this photo.

I remember this as the beginning of the "bad times" for my mother.
One of my brothers was done with college and off on his own in another city and the other was almost finished earning his degree.
With my brothers grown or almost grown, she was feeling abandoned again, like when her parents died.  We lived in an old huge Victorian era home and I was the only child left at home at 14 years old.  I had just started high school.
Both my parents were drinking to excess by this point and socializing every weekend with father's business associates.  My father liked to throw money around to impress people.  He wanted a wife to show off so mom was always dieting to stay thin but she smoked and drank trying to keep up with dad.  He often belittled her in front of  his clients.  I saw that when he brought them into our home for dinner or parties.
Though she was a voracious reader during her life, my father looked down on my mother since she never went beyond her high school diploma.

The parties and drinking continues and there were trips combining business and pleasure.  The Kentucky Derby, a National Convention in Dallas, a Junket to Hawai'i, etc.  These were all just a way for my father to avoid dealing with his crumbling marriage and the fact that he no longer wished to be married to my mother.  He kept her busy taking her on trips, shopping and kept her drunk.  Mom, wanting to please my father, would do anything he asked.

My parents weren't around much during this time.  I was left to fend for myself, alone with our family dog.  Neighbors would check in sometimes and my brother stayed with me for a time.  My childhood ended in 1973.

This was the era of Women's Lib.  Woman were told they could "have it all" and they could do it all; have careers, make their own money and decisions and raise a family if they wanted.  Women of my mother's generation had not been groomed from a young age to make a life for themselves out in the world independent of a spouse or partner.  My mother had no job skills really other than cooking and cleaning.  She had no support system had she tried to venture out into the world on her own
My mother had no way to support herself and my father, being the financial head of the family, had spent all the inheritance money from her parent's estate on his business ventures and bad investments.
Even if she had had financial resources I doubt my mother was strong enough to leave my father.
She stayed because deep down inside, she believed she couldn't live without him and she loved him.

Around the time this photo was taken, mom had become paranoid as well.  At least that is what I was told.  That was the year she checked into a private psychiatric hospital for her drinking.  That was the beginning of a very dark chapter in my mother's life that continued on and off for the next 9 years until my parents finally divorced.

Once my mother was legally free of my father(with serious misgivings on her part) it took quite a few years until she was able to "let go" of the bad stuff in her past and carve out a new life for herself.

The next photo was taken in 1983 after she had reconnected with one of her old friends from when we children were very young. (Mom is on the left.)
Mom had some financial securities now thanks to the alimony and was enjoying life; buying a townhouse and decorating it, going out with friends, pursuing hobbies, etc.  All her children were back in her life which made her even happier.

I married in 1982.  It was about this time that I started having a "real" relationship with my mother. 
There had been a lot of hurt feelings and resentments over the last 9 years but once I married and was out from under the thumb of my father, our relationship changed for the better.

Mom eventually got herself a "fella" and lived with him as she needed a man around to take care of to feel whole.  It gave her a purpose in life and it was what she was use to doing.  I don't think he treated her very well and eventually he broke it off and sent her away because she got sick.  I will never forgive  him for that.  You wouldn't discard a dog like that....

Even her health problems couldn't keep her down once she became a grandmother.
She so loved being "Grandma".   Mom had an old friend...they had been pregnant at the same time.
In later years when her friend's daughter made her a grandmother, the friend bristled at the thought of being called grandmother.  My mother was the total opposite, she couldn't wait for the day she got to be called that!  Finally, a month before she turned 57, she was granted her wish when my oldest son was born.  The first time she saw her grandson I swear I saw a spark ignite in her eyes that I had never seen before.


My mother suffered from COPD among other serious ailments.  She had to have oxygen therapy 24/7.  That didn't keep her from traveling and exploring with her grandchildren.  I think she kept going a few extra years because of those kids even though her body was ready to check out.  Here she is with her "precious babies", as she called them, during the Summer of 1997.
She had 3 more years with her grandkids before passing away suddenly from something no one saw coming in 2000.

 
I never thought of my mother as a strong woman.  She wasn't born with that strength at the core of her being like I had seen in my Grandmother and Great Grandmother as a child.  She was born a helpless Southern flower.
She grew strong instead, over time.  A strength born of surviving the tribulations of her life.
She overcame what would have done in a woman with less intestinal fortitude.  With each challenge her spirit grew and she survived.

Perhaps my grand and great grandmother were not born strong women after all.
Perhaps we are all helpless creatures who each need to overcome the trials of life to find our inner fire. 


Though I'm 54 years old, I miss you every day Mom.
You weren't perfect but who among us is?
I just wish we had had more time to really know each other better.

Sluggy