Estrangement is the New Normal With Adult Children-Very Long

We are estranged from my older son and his wife.  No doubts about that and not news for those of you who know me.

My son has a checkered track record with women.  His previous serious relationship ended when she used him-he paid for all their living expenses after graduating college and he took a crappy job in a city he didn't care to live in because this woman had to do an internship at a certain hospital so he moved to that city with her.  Then she missed the deadline to put in her application so they had to stay in that city for an additional year for her to finish up her degree.

Son took a crappy job in a group home(his degree was in teaching but he had experience with special needs populations so he got that job)and again, was supporting them both.

When this girlfriend graduated, they got jobs in a city in VA-both in their fields, but she had to work her way up from square one in her field to get to a point where she landed an opening in the hospital working as a CT/MRI technician and started making good money.

After she got to that point where she was out earning son, she startes pressuring him to get married.  I gave him a ring to engage her and then she pushed and pushed and son wasn't making plans fast enough for her in regards to this wedding so she left him.  

If you've been a long time reader you'll remember when this happened and his father and I rushed to VA to assist son in securing furniture(all except the sofa I bought them belonged to  her).  We also went to offer him some moral support as he was at an all time(to that point)low in his life.

I knew, call it a mother's intuition if you will, that this woman would leave him and she was only using him.  I had told his father many times about this feeling but I never said a word to son as it wasn't my place to bad mouth this girlfriend, then fiancée.  When we went down there to help him, during a conversation, I let him know I knew she would leave him.  Son seemed shocked that I had thought this, but all the signs were there and evident to me because of her behavior at certain times when we were present with her.

Shortly after they broke up and she returned the engagement ring that I had given him to give her.  Then son began dating again via one of those dating apps.  Fairly quickly he started seeing the woman that he ended up marrying 3 years ago.  She moved in with him after her roommate situation nearby became untenable.  She told her parents it was platonic and she was sleeping on his sofa bed(the one I paid for)but that was a lie because her mother, the devout Catholic that she pretends to be, would have had a conniption fit if she had known the truth(and this now wife had told us that to our faces on one of our visits to that city in VA to see our son).

So after seeing her for awhile son asked me for another diamond ring because he felt she was "the one" and wanted to propose to her.  I let him have my beloved Grandmother's engagement ring which is a family heirloom and almost 100 years old to use for this purpose with the stipulation that if they ever broke up or divorced once they got married that I was to get that ring back so it stayed in the family and it was to be left to one of my heirs.  He VOWED he would honor my wishes.

Once he put that ring on her finger and she "hooked" him she became her plan to separate him from his parents. Maybe it was more of a military type campaign or that's how I saw it. What had once been a close family relationship with our son slowly deteriorated.  This son would call me every weekend just to chat before this fiancée and as time went on I was the one who had to call him and he never initiated contact.  And he would put me on speaker(I could tell)and let this finacée listen to our private conversations.  I didn't think anything of it at the time.  There was some visiting on holidays and such over that first year and she was nice as could be to us and we reciprocated.

About a year after the engagement they moved out of VA and to an apartment in NJ near where her parents and extended family lived. About this time the son who had impeccable manners stopped sending thank you cards at Christmas and his birthdays when someone gave him gifts as he always did.  I found that odd.

She got a job(doing something)and son got a new teaching job. She was running a side gig selling $5 jewelry(mostly necklace and earring sets)through FB chat.  I'd go on the chat with other buyers(mostly it was her family members and friends)and buy this crappy jewelery from her.  For gosh sakes, I don't even have pierced ears! and I am not fond of wearing necklaces or any type of jewelry.  I made purchases just to support her business and mostly put that jewelry in my Giveaway boxes back when I still held giveaways.

About this time she got approved for gastric bypass surgery as she was quite heavy and just couldn't take the weight off.  And she wanted to look slimmer for the wedding(and photos).

She came through the surgery and then went home to mommy so she could take care of her while she recovered.  I can't say anything about that as when I had a ruptured appendix in my late 20's as a married woman, my mother came to take care of me. '-)

Hubs and I are forthright honest folks.  We don't lie and we tell you what we think.  Fiancée's family is full up with phonies.  Especially finacée's mother.  We were invited to holiday gatherings(Thanksgiving and a birthday party).  I don't recall at which gathering, but it was one where fiancée's mother's sister who lives out of state was not present.  Anyway, fiancée's mother loudly proclaimed at one point to no one in particular in that room that, "that Kathy is such a bitch!".  To say I was taken aback is an understatement.  I couldn't believe she had blurted that out but more importantly I couldn't believe that not a single person in attendance at that gathering reacted to her exclamation at all!  Not her mother, her husband, her disabled brother, her son, his wife or her daughter. wow.

There were other times she seemed wound too tight as  they say or would act strangely.  She was never very social toward me either.  Maybe that was a good thing in hindsight. ;-)

Once they became engaged fiancées behavior and attitude toward son's parents changed.  She no longer had to keep up the facade of liking us as much as she said she did.  We were not intrusive into their lives together either. Over that year of wedding planning we didn't inquire into what they were going to do for that event.  But it eventually was evident that she wanted a traditional deal where there is a moderately large wedding and reception and the groom's parents were to provide for the Rehearsal dinner.

Our son told us that she insisted on having the wedding and reception at a toney establishment in a toney section of NJ(all of NJ is expensive btw).  But her parents only gave her X amount to spend on the whole shebang but this place and her "vision of a dream wedding" there would cost double what was allotted to her for the event.  So our son told me he was "emptying his bank account" to cover that $$$ overage(and he had quite a bit of savings).  I thought, it's your life and your money and you can do with it what you want and I kept my mouth shut.

So there is a Bridal Shower scheduled in November, if I recall correctly, at her parents home.  All her relatives are there.  So she has to have a special dress to wear to her Bridal Shower and goes and buys an expensive dress.  Son has to get her to the shower by telling her they were going somewhere else, hide this dress she had bought in the trunk so she didn't know they were going to her shower and deliver her.

Who has to buy and wear a special dress to a Bridal Shower?

In a lull in activity as she sat in a chair near where we sat, Hubs and I attempted to talk to her about options for the rehearsal dinner she wanted us to pay for.....where to have it, activities to include perhaps, etc.  I had done quite a bit of research on where, what to have.

She would hear none of it.  She had made up her mind it was to be held at the inn where the ceremony and reception were going to be held.  End of discussion.  So basically we were told "put up and shut up".  I had always thought if someone was in charge of throwing a Rehearsal Dinner someone should be in charge...picking out the place to hold it, menu, etc.

Well that's not the way it works in Fiancée's World!  Son didn't even have a say in the matter.  I think the only thing he got to choose was the flavor of the wedding cake and one of the entreè options.  So SHE chose the Rehearsal Dinner and the menu and we were merely the check writers for this shindig.  And again, we said nothing and son didn't stand up for us or our wishes.  This was our responsible and dinner and we had no say in anything other than what color ink we signed that check to pay for everything.

Then I drove to son's apartment in NJ a few days before the wedding so we could rehearse our funny Mother/Son Dance for the reception.  We practiced maybe 15 minutes.  Then fiancée storms in from work and gathers her stuff to go for the final fitting of her wedding gown.

After that was done she comes back with her mother and her brother's wife(who was matron of honor)and they set to wrapping old books in paper and putting a teaser about what the book is on the wrapper.  (They gave these out at the reception as sort of a "party favor".  There were was a table of books and you could go choose one during the reception.)Nobody asks me if I want to help written books synopses....it's just assumed I would.  And at this point I was already suffering from Essential Tremor AND unmedicated so writing anything was not very legible or enjoyable for me.

First off, no one even invited me, one of the females in the family, to any wedding dress viewings.  I could have easily driven over from PA to attend.  I never got to experience this rite of passage with my only daughter as she lived in Louisiana at that time and was halfway across the country so not even to be invited to these gatherings was disappointing.  But again, I kept silent.

And then when I come over to practice our reception dance I am ambushed into helping with party favors?  If I had said no to helping, it would have been very awkward, especially  since I was staying the night on the sofa bed I had bought son and his first fiancée years back.

Day before the wedding, we leave for the venue(we are staying 2 nights)with younger son coming with us(he's a groomsman), drive through snow(it is February in PA)and arrive, throw our bags on the room where we are staying, dress for dinner and walk across the parking lot to the "inn" she insisted on having said dinner at.  This place was one of those broken down old historic taverns that dot the Mid Atlantic and New England coast.

So we got into the room and go to set down at the head table with the groom, bride and parents.  Bride's mother approaches me and asks if her son's wife's parents can come so they can watch son's son during the dinner so their daughter and husband(bride's brother and sister in-law)can enjoy the evening without having to watch their toddler.  

We had no problem with the brother's in-laws being there for the dinner and they sat at the head table with us.  The problem was they did NOT babysit their grandchild!  The child sat with his parents at the table with all the bridesmaids and groomsmen(his parents were both part of the wedding party).  wtf.  But we said nothing.

Most of us repaired to the bar downstairs after dinner.  Then I was talked into driving to White Castle in the middle of the night by my daughter who had had quite a few drinks.

And of course I was expected to pay for the box of 100 sliders($60+)which when we returned, disappeared with daughter and younger son and who knows how many people I fed from that box.  Do you think I got a thanks mom even or got to hang with whomever I was supplying burgers for?  Nope.

The next day was spent recovering from the evening of drinking by some lazing on bed, doing makeup and hair, taking pictures and the busyness that goes with weddings.

Hubs and I spent some time hanging out with the groomsmen, watching the taking of pictures, etc.

The time came for the ceremony, Hubs walked me down to our seats, etc.   blah, blah, blah.

Ceremony over and we are told to leave the room so they can reset the space for the reception.

We go back in for the reception and we look for our places.  BRIDE OR WHOMEVER IS RESPONSIBLE HAS PUT ALL THE GROOMS FAMILY MEMBER AT A TABLE IN THE BACK OF THE ROOM.  Let that sink in.  Groom's parents are at a table in the back of the room while all of Bride's family is at tables front and center and right near the bridal party and the head table with the Bride and Groom.

I felt humiliated.

I felt sad.

I felt confused.

I felt many things, none of which I should have been made to feel on that day.

But I didn't make a fuss.

I did my comical dance and tried to not think about how we had been disrespected on my son's wedding day.

And thinking back to that day now I realize his now new wife's parents never even spoke to us at the wedding.

Things bounced along, then our move from PA to LA happened that September, and I literally had to beg son to drive less than 3 hours back to his childhood home in PA to help with some packing and loading furniture into the moving POD on a weekend.  It is no secret that my son likes his beer and his weed and I had a PA medical card so I had to offer to buy him medical vapes to get him to come home to help.  And he left after the POD was packed(except for a mattress we needed to sleep on)and went back to his apartment and wife in NJ saying he needed to get back because they were trying to have a baby and it was "go time".

So we came to LA, went on the not-so-pleasant-a-time cruise in December and then I fell off that folding stool and did major damage to my leg.  As we were leaving the ER on Xmas eve, where we had been all day we got a phone call from son(of course the wife was on speaker too)that they were pregnant and were due in late Summer.  I was so over joyed, even in my broken state after Congratulations my first words were, "When do you want me to come help after the baby comes".  That's women in my maternal family do.....we support the pregnant woman and come and help in whatever capacity the new mother wants us to.

Neither of them seemed to want to take me up in this offer from what I gathered from their reaction on the phone.

We didn't hear from them again until they started sending up links to their online baby registry.  Let's not mention that I was undergoing some intense wound care until Mid March and the thought of having a job to do come August and traveling to do(as well as my first grandchild)was keeping me upbeat and positive through that almost 3 month ordeal.  Plus I got diagnosed with Essential Tremor and was put on anti-seizure meds but the tremors didn't go away with the medication.  I made a living for awhile as a seamstress and then painting ceramics and selling them at craft shows.  These tremors put an end(for now)to any sewing and painting which was soul crushing to me.  Sewing and Painting were large pieces that made up who I am. 8-(

And not once during that almost 3 months did my son ever pick up a phone or text either his father or I to see how I was doing physically.

I advised son that one of his online registries was shutting down so he should move everything over to the other one they had.

When he told me(I would have to text son at school if I didn't want his wife to hear our private conversation and he'd call me back on his break)his wife was having trouble sleeping.  So I inquired what she could ingest and ordered her that sleep aid on Amazon.  I never even got a thank you for doing that but then again, I wasn't expecting one.

Then before Mother's Day last year I sent a Mother's Day necklace in her wedding colors for son to give her as she'd be a mother very soon.

Back to the baby registry-I went and looked and they had every imaginable thing on there you could ever buy for a baby and then some.....plus it was all "curated" and it had to be the exact thing she wanted.

They had a humidifier for the baby's room on the registry so I told son I had a brand new in the box one(made by a company that had been in that business successfully for many generations)and I'd send it to them and to take the humidifier off the registry.

Awhile later he comes back in text at me asking me for photos of this humidifier and to tell him what color it is.  I figured he was texting his wife at her job and she was asking all this.

I told him, "It's just a regular looking humidifier".  It's blue and white, like they all are sitting on store shelves.

He retorted, "I just want to make sure its the same model(??)or whatever so just send a pic of the front of the box when you get a chance.".  This exchange was May 9th.  He did say please and thank you.  

I replied, "Just forget it."  I really didn't relish the cost and work involved to pack and to ship this safely to NJ.

He answered, "Are you sure?  I just want to make sure its the same one on our registry that's all. (Did I just say I happened to have run of the mill, everyday humidifier?  At no time did I say I had the exact same humidifier as was on your baby registry.)  

He continued, 
I don't mean to be unappreciative.  Wife is just very particular and wants a certain aesthetic...."

Of course Wife didn't want my humidifier, she wanted an expensive one shaped like a cloud that also changed colors and had a night light on it.  $60 this piece of junk cost.  A 'normal' humidifier went for about half that price.  This girl has high expectations I thought.

I bought the damned thing for them along with about $300 more worth of stuff but I was getting pissed off.

They arranged a gender reveal with all her family and we watched from here via computer.  It was a mess.  We couldn't hear anything and it was not clear what the gender was for awhile and nobody held anything up to show us.  Wife? had bought matching shirts for her brother's kids(the baby's cousins)and for the baby-to-be.  They looked white on the camera but they turned out to be the palest pink so a granddaughter it would be. 8-)

I had a few calls with son and his wife(because he puts all calls on speaker phone)early in the year.  I asked a few questions during this time as I was curious....about possible baby names and such.  They wouldn't share anything with me.  I had even checked out flights in August after she was due, had picked out an Air B n' B nearby and had priced out rental cars.  The plan was to fly to youngest son's in PA, spend some time with him, then drive rental car to NJ to the Air B n' B nearby oldest son to be nearby to help in whatever capacity they wanted-go run errands, buy groceries, come at night to feed the baby or do dishes and clean so they could spend all their time bonding as a family.  When I mentioned coming to NJ to help I was met with a brusk no, they wanted to be alone, just their little family in their apartment.  At no time did I ask to come stay WITH them!

Soon after there was talk about a baby shower.  Wife's mother took over, this was her show.  She started planning it but couldn't be pinned down as to a date, which is something to consider if the baby's other grandparent has to travel halfway across the country for said shower.  So wife's mother changed the planned date for said shower one time too many and never asked for my input about anything related to said shower and I blew my lid and let her have it in a text.  She said, "I have actually changed the date.  June 4 is the new date.  Wife's name thinks it is July 23.  We want to surprise her".

So I was "informed" about when the shower was and never received an invitation or even a text saying, please come to the baby shower.  Basically the wife's mother took over like the bully she is.

So I wrote, "Son's name's dad & I will be driving home from Dallas on June 4th(the day we got back from our British Isles cruise).  but thanks so much for the "non-invite" to your little shindig.  Maybe you don't realize how you hurt other people by not including them in any way(that and they changing it to a date a month later-at least informing me a month later....rude not to think other grandparents would have to fly, oh wait!  Date is changed so new flights. 

The not asking for input in any way?  My feelings are quite hurt by you just taking over without asking for any input from us.  Let's face it, you steamroll and just get your way.

Well have a swell party for the kids!  I am telling them not to bring OUR gifts to your shower.

I went on to tell her exactly what I thought of her and the low esteem I held her in.....

"Maybe you don't realize how you come across, or maybe don't care?  Don't know and frankly I don't care.  You treat people badly but I am sure there is a place for you in heaven being such a paragon(of virtue)........I don't suffer fools lightly."  And I used the dreaded "B" word.

Well all hell broke loose after that text.  The wife instructed her parents to block my number and for her whole family not to have anything to do with us.  Who tells their mother what she can and can't do?!  Frankly I don't care if I ever see them again.  They are such phonies.

My son called me and reamed me out for speaking back to his mother in-law.  Evidently he can have no private communication with anyone....it all has to be reported back to wife or filtered through her first.  He shares every email and text with her fully.  No one can have any expectation of privacy without her knowing every last detail.  She is controlling to the max and son just takes it and gives her no push back.  I don't know if he is scared to anger her, lose her or he has become a zombie and she is his puppet master.

I thought about my text and how it came off(and regretted using the "B" word to her-even though she more than deserved it)while we were on the cruise.  She claimed to be a very devout Catholic and we were in Dublin, where the Book of Kells is housed so I picked up a small token there, composed a heartfelt apology letter upon my return from the cruise and mailed it along with the gift to wife's mother.

Next thing I know son calls me and yells at me, "How DARE I mail an apology to wife's mother!"  You would think I was the Unibomber and sent her an explosive device.  Never once has wife's mother even acknowledged receipt of the apology.  I don't expect her to accept my apology but really?  You can't even say you got it??  How rude.

Then son began sending me emails about how we have been horrible people.  I believe some of this has his wife's fingerprints all over it.

At some point during a trivia night with Daughter I made an offhand comment that son's wife sure is a princess(in regards to having to have a certain humidifier and she won't accept one I have brand new in the box instead).  Well, really she's been displaying princess like attributes all through the engagement and wedding too and my brother(son's uncle)knows all about what has transpired and he agrees with me.  Daughter made it a point to tell her brother what I said(I don't know exactly what she said or if she attached it to the whole humidifier episode).  I then sent a PRIVATE communication to son and told him what I thought of how his wife was treating us, son's parents.  And then even though son knew it would set off his pregnant wife, HE REPEATED WHATEVER MY DAUGHTER SAID AND MY PRIVATE MESSAGE TO SON TO HER!

So now I am really in the doghouse and son and his wife start weaponing this grandchild against me.  They want me to apologize to wife and act a certain way that they think is appropriate or I can't see my granddaughter once she is born.  (Basically they don't like me or how I feel and want me to act like a trained seal or else.)

So I swallow my pride/integrity/common sense and send an apology to wife for what I said about her.

And do you want to know what she does?  She sends me a "response to my apology"!  Who does that??  It's an apology for gosh sakes.....it doesn't need a reply other than to say A-I got it and thanks for that or B-I got it and it's not good enough for me.

No she responds by saying...."To begin, thank you for your apology, however I feel some things need to be addressed by me directly. 

In all honesty, I'm finding your apology difficult to believe as it comes on the tail of double, triple, and quadrupling down on all of your hurtful words. Your most recent correspondences have been riddled with blatant lies and fabrications about me, Matthew, and my mother. You railed on about things you don't know anything about such as the planning of our wedding, our issues moving into our apartment, and how my family interacts. The fact that you can just spew such untrue things is not love. It's not supportive. It's actively and intentionally hurtful. Not that I owe you any explanation or that it's any of your business, but here are a couple responses to a sampling of your untrue attacks: we did not empty our savings for the wedding, my mother did no wedding planning but just cut a check for our wedding, I was not upset about granite counters in our new home I was upset that we were deceived about what we were paying for and the unit was incredibly dirty, and my mother has never and will never call her sister a bitch as she does not use that language.  Where we were just trying to lay out how we were hurt and affected by your words and actions, you chose to retaliate with personal attacks. That is not love. 

To address my mother's continued silence to your letter to her, at this time you will not be receiving a response from her. She, my father, and I have discussed it and we do not feel comfortable with her opening that line of communication. She was extremely uncomfortable receiving a package from you out of the blue and is still very hurt by your text message. We, as a family, have decided that she, as well as the rest of my family, will not be reopening that communication. It can also be understood that they will no longer be extending any sort of invitation to events that they host, and that will include milestones for Matthew and I as well as our daughter.

I understand that you are trying to make an effort, but I will have to see tangible actions that actually show that you are genuinely sorry. This will look like you following the boundaries set by Matthew and I with regards to us, our daughter, and my family, among other things. At this time I am incredibly uncomfortable with you having access to my daughter's image and any information about her. I do not trust that you will not turn information received against us as you did in your previous communications. 

That being said, because I love Matthew more than anything except my daughter, I will follow his lead when it comes to the occasional update he may send. However those updates and images are not to end up on your blog or social media in any way. 

Moving forward, I will entertain the idea of having you in my life, but it will be with much caution and reservation. I will not tolerate being called names and I will not tolerate lies being told about me or my loved ones. I do not accept medical issues as an excuse now or in the future as I, and my family, have experienced serious medical conditions and still did not treat others the way you treated me, Matthew, and my mother. 

For now, all communication will need to go through Matthew as I am uncomfortable communicating with you at this time. Hopefully there can be further progress in the future." No name was attached.

I was aghast at this note. First off, my son, her husband told me things that now she said are untrue. So either my son lied to me or he is just backing down and now lying to his wife about what he told me. I never said her mother was planning their wedding, and son told me she was quite upset about not getting the granite countertops in the new apartment like they were promised. Her mother DID call her sister a b***h in a room full of family members and I find it quite odd that someone who professes to be a devout Catholic would NOT forgive someone who apologized for their words, since Religion is all about forgiveness. I never said anything about knowing how her family interacts. I just know what I have seen and heard with my own two eyes and ears. She has never communicated with me directly either so no point in changing that up now I guess.

As for her "allowing" my son to share photos of our granddaughter with us, he sent 3 or 4 photos in total since she was born.

I have said not a word to her since her rebuttal and let things settle. In Dec. we made a grueling 3 day car trip to PA to see our youngest and a dinner out was planned for Hubs and I, youngest and his SO, our nephew who lives in the area and son, wife and baby to come out to PA. Well I put a smile on my face and was as pleasant as I could be at this meeting. We were not allowed to touch the baby or hold her. Hey, son's wife wore her like a suit of armor and never acknowledge our existence or talked to us the entire time. I attempted to take a photo of our granddaughter and wife blurted out, "I thought we said there would be no passing the baby!?" Hubs said, "Yes we understand we aren't to touch the baby but we'd like a photo", to which my son said, "Let's do that at the restaurant." So while at youngest's house I tried to engage the wife in conversation and each time she shot me down, and responded with a clipped "yes" or "no" answer. Wife also positioned herself between me and my grandchild so I couldn't even look at her. All her comments to anyone were nasty and uncalled for.

At the restaurant wife put the baby in a stroller and parked her at the opposite end of the table from me. Toward the end of the meal Hubs saw a chance to have a photo taken as wife let son hold his daughter and I stood beside them. After Hubs snapped that photo, he notice that wife was looking at her husband, our son, with daggers in her eyes. I know he got a good talking to all the way home to NJ that evening for allowing us to take a photo of that baby. Wife also spent a good part of the meal on her phone watching a football game instead of talking to anyone at the table. Then son said they were flying to FL the next morning with the baby and his wife's parents as wife's brother's high school band was performing in Orlando. Why on earth would you take a 4 month old baby on a germ filled plane but not let her own grandparents hold her?? Oh, we had to prove we had certain immunizations before her parents allowed us in the same room with her that evening too.

Once we got to VA to visit my brother, my sister in-law showed me about 200 photos of my grandchild. You see, she was still friends with son's wife on FB and wife had posted tons of photos of the baby there for months. She knew I'd never see them since neither son or his wife were FB friends with me. They had mentioned at the restaurant that earlier that day they had taken the baby to meet Santa at some photo place. We figured, since they seemed so germ adverse that they had held the baby for that photo op. No, I saw on FB that they had plopped the baby down on a complete strangers lap(the Santa of the Day)and were standing beside and between wife's brother and his two kids or kneeling down at the edge of the tableau. When I saw that I was incensed! Wife was truly using that baby to get back at me. We went to that dinner with healing in our hearts but wife truly proved to be vindictive and not interested in mending the riff.

Hubs brought up to son later once we drove back to LA that we knew what they had done and son insisted that it was wife's idea to come to PA to meet with us and let us see our grandchild(HAHA). then in the next text he said his wife's skin crawled at the thought of me holding her. Son has been jerking us around all along. First he says he'll send photos, then he won't....first he says his wife wants to make up then I make her skin crawl.

For the sake of my mental health and sanity I told son we will no longer have anything to so with him or his wife until they come to their senses. They have never apologized for any of the lies they have told us or admitted that they have done anything wrong. While going through all the medical shit I went through last year son never once called/texted/emailed to ask how I was doing.

I am not a bad person and he is my son but I will not be treated this way. I have cut off all contact with him and his spawn of the devil wife. If that means I don't get to be in the life of my grandchild, so be it. I am not going to bark like a trained seal. She is a horrible human being(apple doesn't fall far from that tree!)and she's got our son wrapped around her finger. As far as I'm concerned until son gets his head out of his ass, I am done. His mother is dead to him.

I also told him to return the gifts we gave them(handpicked out-he just threw a gift card in an envelope for us)at Xmas and I returned his gift card in that box of his stuff I sent to youngest to give back to his brother the next time he sees him. And I want my grandmother's engagement ring back, as well as the handmade quilt my mother made that I gave him before we left PA. Do you think they have even acknowledged those requests, let alone returned anything? Nope. Nada.

Now my daughter, who we have bent over backwards for, including financially has also turned her back on us. She was NOT in PA at that restaurant to see how her brother' wife behaved with us but she is only speaking to our son on matters and not getting our side of the story. She is the one who practically begged us to move here because in her words, "she wanted us nearby as we aged and wanted to take care of us". Slowly over that first year we were here she has withdrawal from us. All I can think it's because she only talks to son about us and doesn't communicate with us and believes all his lies(or rather the lies his wife makes him tell). Before son hooked up with wife we had a wonderful relationship with him and now he's poisoning our daughter against us.

After we got back from the Christmas trip to PA, I called daughter out on ignoring us and she made accusations of things we supposedly did and said to son and wife and she wasn't there! I've about had my fill of her too and refuse to fund her lifestyle any longer. She has decided we are horrible people and wants nothing to do with us since we no longer give her anything. So be it. I can't control what they do but I don't have to let them treat me like shit.

I took a box of her childhood stuff and photos over to her house, 7 miles away. Rang her doorbell and knocked loudly on the door three separate times. This was after 11 am on a Saturday and both her and her husband's vehicles were in the driveway so I know they were home. Their dog was also barking loudly at me through the window by the door. Do you think either of them had the balls to answer the door and take that box from me?? Nope. So I had printed out a note, brought it with me and taped it to her front door and left the box on the porch.

Basically I told her how disappointed I was in her and her actions toward us and after she begged us to move here so ignored us. And we would be moving away from here to some place there were people who loved and cared about us.

That makes two shitty children I gave birth to.

Over the last few months I've had friends and family confide in me that Hubs and I aren't alone, this estrangement situation seems to be normal with many family's kids. My sister in-law hasn't heard from her son in 4 years or seen her grandson, my oldest friend's younger son and her have no relationship.

My cousin has no relationship with either of her kids once she stopped giving them money.

Even Hubs brother said when he got engaged to his wife, she told him he could no longer have a relations with his parents once they married since they weren't the same religion as the wife to-be.(Wife to-be's mother put an end to that fool notion when she found out! lol)

I am tired of being disrespected by these children. We are the people who loved them and raised them with good morals to be productive members of society. I feel now like I have wasted my life raising these kids who became awful adults. I could have stayed child-free and had an awesome career if I had had a crystal ball and could see into my future.

Sluggy