While my current meltdown is not radioactive, I'm having a really bad week. Not "loved ones dying kind of week" but the "nothing is working out right kind of weeks" that's left me an emotional puddle of goo.
I have like a zillion projects and things I need to attend to here. And nothing is getting done. Making lists won't help since there is no one to delegate jobs to, so the lists just remind me what a failure the situation is right now. There is no cooperation from the family, just more pressure.
Plus my health is not the best and no matter what I do, it's not getting any better. Maybe I just need to face the fact that my body is older than my mind thinks it is and it just can't do what I want it to do anymore.
Ok, so this is turning into a 'poor poor pitiful me' post and I don't want that because well, nobody wants to sit and read that, right?lol
I am at a point where I have no motivation for literally ANYTHING! I don't want to cook or clean or tackle any projects(except the gardening and I can't do much of that myself). "If breathing weren't automatic I'd probably die" kind of lack of motivation.
I don't even want to hunt the deals.....shocking, I know!lol
I am burnt out of eBay already(again!lol), and my decluttering has come to a standstill. Decluttering because of the hoarding gene I possess is an emotional ordeal at best for me anyway, but add in the lack of support from my family and I ask myself, " why the hell am I trying to accomplish this since it feels like a punch to the gut every time I try?".
Add in a situation with one of the dogs that keeps deteriorating and I am made out to be the bad guy because I don't want him here. My house is a mess and we can't do anything about it because of this dog....a dog that was forced upon me to begin with.
Then pile on a weeklong stay by a relative that is putting more pressure on me that I don't want/need because I have a hubby who won't stand up to his family.
I just want to get in the car and drive. I haven't felt like this since I had extremely bad post partum depression after #2 son was born, were I sat and cried for 6 months and then did actually leave home.
So keep some good thoughts for me.....
Sluggy
Awww...Sluggy. Sending cyber hugs your way. It sounds like you need a break. Maybe you SHOULD get in your car and just get away from it all, if even for only a couple of hours. Take a book and head to a park, or the library, or a movie. Just get away for a little while.
ReplyDeleteI hope things start looking up for you soon!
You want I should send you my address, so you have a destination when you leave home?
ReplyDeleteSeriously, though, it does sound like you are suffering a stress-related depression. What can you do to get the kids to pitch in? What can you do to get your husband to stand up to his family? What would happen if YOU stand up to them? If no one else is going to take responsibility for the dog that you don't want, then find it a new home. (You have MY permission if no one else's.)
I know, I know...it's all easier for me to say than it is for you to do, but it sounds like you need to take the bull by the horns and give yourself what YOU NEED for a change.
You have my email. Use it if you need to vent more.
Wow--I could have written this post! That is exactly what I have been feeling lately and it is making me NUTS!! I can usually get a handle on things but not lately. I used to say I was leaving--now my kids tell me I need to get in the car and GO--but I don't get any help around here with the things I need help with. Sorry for the rant. I hope you are feeling better soon and I hope you get some cooperation from the family. Here's a hug and some breathing room. Take care!!
ReplyDeleteI am SO sorry you are feeling this way, but, I can totally relate. I don't have kids or a husband, but have felt the exact same feelings you describe on a regular basis. I keep blaming it on perimenopause! Seriously though, I know how you feel, and it sucks. I don't think I live very far from you (from what you've talked about in some of your posts.) I'm in NE PA, about an hour north of Scranton. If you ever want to take a drive and meet for coffee, feel free to email me! Big hugs!
ReplyDeleteSluggy,
ReplyDeleteYou are feeling the way I have felt for a few months not being in my comfort zone with a temporary and permanent move. I am the type of person who can't live in chaos and it sounds like you can't either. So if you would like to get away for an extended weekend and just eat, have some wine and chat, just let me know. Or if you just want to talk, e-mail me at Sandym87 at yahoo.com. I am a good listener.
I didn't see this when you first posted it, and since then you've taken a lot of your extra stuff over to the food bank, so I hope that lifted your spirits (because it's sure to lift the spirits of all the lucky recipients!) :) Many hugs your way!!!!!! {{{{{{sluggy}}}}}}
ReplyDelete