Thursday, November 30, 2017

It's Worse Than He Thought

So I've gotten a report back from Hubs on the road about his rescue mission.

I tried to tell Hubs it was going to be bad(Hey!, I've seen many episodes of the TV show "Hoarders")but he didn't believe me....or maybe didn't want to believe me.
Anyway, it was as bad as I thought.  Dust, dirt and filth everywhere.  Trash all over the floor and you couldn't help but walk on piles and/or open doors fully for all the junk.  I am kicking myself that I didn't insist he take face masks.
He said it was hard to breath in the house and he had to keep going outside to catch his breath.

She had 15 large Rubbermaid type plastic tubs packed and sitting on the front porch when he arrived that morning from the motel, all marked with a piece of paper that said, "S.A. #1", "S.A. #2", etc to #15.
He couldn't figure out what S.A. stood for.   Not "K" for kitchen stuff or "B.R" for bed room stuff, etc.
"S.A."?
It was STUFFED ANIMALS.

WTF???
The priority of things to bring with her across the country was 15 tubs of stuffed animals.
Not dishes.
Not flatware.
Not bed linens.
Not clothes.
Stuffed Animals.

15 tubs of those S.A. weren't going to fit in the cargo van along with 2 dressers, 2 bookcases, a cedar chest and 2 large wooden chairs plus a box of papers, clothes and whatever else was going.  So choices had to be made and only 7 tubs worth of S.A.s made the cut.  I doubt if her brother who is taking her in will let that many actually come into his trailer home.

When asked where she was going to put all those plush toys once she got to where they were going she said in her bedroom so they could "keep her company".  Her bedroom is a secondary bedroom in a single wide trailer to give you an idea of how small it is.  I don't think besides a bed, those 2 dressers, 2 bookcases and 2 chairs, much of anything else will fit in that bedroom.

Hubs had to keep redirecting her to stay on task and focus and she would wander off in the house and he'd have to go find her.  She was suppose to have everything she was taking packed but throughout the day she'd suddenly mention that "this or that" had to be gone through of packed up to go with her.

A neighbor came over for a brief chat and suggested to Hubs when the sister wasn't within earshot that the sister needs help(as in mental help).  When the neighbor left Hubs remarked that that it was nice of the neighbor to stop by and visit and the sister insisted that this neighbor is evil, a liar and tried to poison her dogs with weedkiller last Summer, etc.
Hubs mother, before we got her to a dr. and diagnosed officially had similar delusions and cognitive issues when she came down with Alzheimer's.  I hope to gosh it's not that but.......
The cognitive issues may help explain why she has been unable to get a job for the last 1.5 years(plus the age issue as she is one month away from being 61 but nobody will tell you you didn't get the job because you are old as that's against the law-even though it happens all the time).

Once Hubs drops her off she becomes his oldest brother's problem to deal with since none of his siblings(these two plus the other brother)could be bothered to help out for the last 7 years of her life that we dealt with their mother and her slow decline into dementia.  None of them couldn't even be bothered to visit her let alone handle any of the financial or day to day stuff.

So I sit here and pray Hubs gets through this and gets home safely......as I watch our credit card bill climb(currently at $1200+/-)with all the charges we are footing the bill for to deliver her across the country to somewhere she'll not be homeless.

This is what can happen when you make a lot of bad life choices.  She didn't get here overnight.  It started with no financial discipline over 40+ years.  Then making bad choices about who to associate with.  She continues to expect things "her way"(like insisting that the brother taking her in buy her a full sized bed which HE is paying for when she didn't need one that big nor will it fit in the bedroom)and refusing to apply for X job because that company doesn't meet her high moral standards.  People who are destitute and about to be homeless can't afford to have high moral standards really.

Not everyone can be a shining light for others to follow their example.  Some folks have to be the warning of what can happen if you aren't careful and prudent in life.
If you are a praying person, please say some for her.

Sluggy


20 comments:

  1. Wow. How sad. I've only seen that hoarders show a couple of times. Made me sick to watch. I will say a prayer for her AND you! Lord knows a situation like this needs all the prayers it can get.

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  2. So sorry that you've had to deal with this, DHubs is a saint.

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  3. Your sister-in-law sounds like it is more than early onset of possible dementia. The hoarding is obviously a mental illness, and she may have more than that if clinically diagnosed by a physician. You and your husband are very good people; it is difficult to deal with this in a family, and you both have stepped up to the plate. I hope the oldest brother can deal with her! Sherri

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  4. Good for your hubby to do this for her, sometimes it is difficult to be related to people that have such issues as you don't know how to help them when they don't seem to want to help themselves.

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  5. Does eldest brother have any idea what is coming to live with him? Is he married? Boundaries, Sluggy, boundaries because this is not the end.

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    1. Hubs and I have drawn our boundary with her after this rescue.
      All three of Hubs siblings are "pieces of work" as they say.
      Eldest brother is married technically....he moved out about 20 yrs. ago but they aren't divorced. That's a whole other story.

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  6. Oh my... I am so sorry you guys have to go through that! You know my MIL... We're in the same boat. kind of. Only all her junk is in my house...

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    1. No, your house is nothing like this one.....

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  7. oh my! I feel sorry for your BIL taking her in. I have watched Hoarders off and on and after doing so it makes me want to go clean my clean house even more! It's very nice of you guys to help her out with all this, hopefully she appreciates it.

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  8. I feel for you and Hubs. My Mother had Huntington’s. While it wasn’t obvious to others for awhile, we, all four daughters, saw it coming. We all stepped up to do what we could. It’s hard on any family when someone deteriorates. I also have a niece who is a hoarder. My SIL didn’t tell us til this last year. I think she needed to unburden herself. We had no idea! It’s admirable of you and your Hubs and BIL to step up to the plate. I will say this though... don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t work out. It is so, so hard to keep going.
    Debbie

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    1. In my nursing career, I vividly remember 3 patients with Huntington's disease. Such a sad thing to watch. I hope your mom didn't suffer long and it hasn't been passed down to anyone else in your family.

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  9. Oh Sluggy she is really ill, Hub's has a sister that is like this. She is heavily medicated and it sounds like she will have to get some real help. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

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  10. I'm so sorry. Starting prayers.

    Love,
    Janie

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  11. A grown woman with stuffed animals to keep her company? I have one stuffed animal, the one I got when I was eight and son wore out before he was three. If he does not want it, I will take a picture and throw it in the trash. I keep books but do not hoard. I think I would have insisted hubs go buy a respirator type face mask. I hope this does not make him ill. And, let brother unload the junk. I am always amazed the things people need other people to buy for them, things I don't have or need.

    Not hiring her because of her age is a possibility. But, she may not be willing to work at WM or fast food where they will hire her. Some of the people in these jobs are able or swift, yet they fill the job's needs.

    You have done your share. I would unload that stuff on the ground, get in truck, and turn it over to brother to get it and sister situated. Hopefully, hubs won't be worn to a nub and have problems driving. I would insist he get a good night's sleep somewhere. I wonder if his standards in lodging and eats will suit her. Probably not.

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  12. This reminds me when we went up north and brought my grandmother and grandfather down to live with us. So many newspapers, dolls, and other items. Could have definitely been an episode of Hoarders. When we went through their chest freezer, we found food dated 1964. Canning jars in the basement that had rotten metal lids. They were so bad, the lids were brittle. My grandmother wanted to bring the food with us. Ummm, that was a no. After 3 huge dumpsters, we still had a U-Haul truck filled and a trailer full behind our car. I feel for your hubs. Not a fun time.

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  13. Bummer. At the end of the day Hubs will know he has gone way beyond the line of duty and can leave without regret.

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  14. I am so sorry to hear this. I hope she gets the help that she needs.

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  15. It really sounds like she needs to see a doctor regarding the mental illness that she may have underlying and may never of been diagnosed. I am not excusing her behaviors or lack of good decision making, however; the undiagnosed mental illness factor can play a part in both of those aspects of life.

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  16. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Praying for your SIL.

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  17. Hi Sluggy, this is Chris. I am so sorry about all of this. Your Hubs is a good guy and I know this is hard for him. My prayers are with him during this time. He is doing the right thing to help her, even though it is hard, and he will be able to sleep at night knowing he did the right thing. I am sure you will have some special brews waiting for him when he gets home. ;)

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